Inner vs. Outer Voice

This afternoon, my mate took our kid on a school field trip. After the outing was over the phone rang. Here is the conversation that took place:

Mate: We just got done with the school field trip. Kid wants to stop at [Mexican Fast Food Place] and get something. Would you like us to get you anything?

Me: (inner voice) Oh yes! Yes! YES! Bring me back a dozen burritos, some tacos, and some guacamole and sour cream. I'll just spread it on my thighs directly to save myself the trouble of eating it.

Me: (outer voice) Oh, no thanks.

Mate: Would you like us to stop at the store for anything?

Me: (inner voice) Yes you ass, bring me something healthy and suitable from the store. You know we are both supposed to be on a diet.

Me: (outer voice) No, I don't want you to go to any trouble. I'm sure there's something I can find here at the house.

Mate: Are you sure? It really wouldn't be any trouble.

Me: (inner voice) Yeah you are just saying that because you feel guilty that you get to eat more calories than I do, and you've lost twice as much weight as I have. Fine, I'll make you pay for my suffering.

Me: (outer voice) Well, if you really don't mind, I'd like a large mound of broccoli for lunch please.