Thursday, January 17, 2013

Survived the Holidays

Well, I survived the holidays.

Here it is, January 17, and I'm just a bit down from where I was when I posted last.  Given that the holidays are always a difficult time for dieters, I guess I can say that I survived.

The fact that I didn't put on a ton of weight makes me happy.

And now that it is January, I feel even more pressure to be thin.

My weight this morning: 217.4

That's not stunning progress, given that it's been a couple of months since I last posted.  Still, I'm happy because I survived the holiday season and I still weigh just a tiny bit less than I did at the start of it.

I can't complain at all.

The STBX and I are still maintaining.  It's a very weird situation -- continuing to live with someone who is now on their way to becoming an ex isn't easy, but it's not as hard as one might think.  I guess the hardest part for me is being stuck in a netherworld between being in a relationship and being out of one.

I'm still legally married, so I am not free to seek a new relationship.  Even so, the marriage is over and it's has been months since there has been any physical intimacy.  It's an odd and somewhat unhappy existence, being forced into this place of involuntary celibacy, without having the option to do anything about it.

Oh, sure, I have options, I guess.  I could go out and have an affair.  The STBX has invited me to do this many times.

But I'm not a cheater.  I don't want to commit adultery.  So I'll wait.

I try not to think about the fact that The Kid won't turn 18 for nearly another 9 months, and it will be another 6 months after that until our divorce is final.  To think that it will be another 15 months before I'll even have the chance of hearing someone saying "I love you," or being physically close seems really overwhelming.

And then again, I expect that it will be even longer than that.  I don't expect to find someone right away.

So right now, I'm just trying to focus on getting those numbers down on the scale.  Thinner, I'll have a lot more dating options than I do now.