Friday, August 23, 2013

Almost, But Not Quite, Halfway There

I realized this morning that it had been quite a while since I posted.  This morning's weight?  190.8.

I have lost just over 71 lbs.

That's a lot of weight.  It's almost a person. When I tell people I've lost over 70 lbs, they are surprised.  They look at me in shock.  Some will say, "I thought you've lost a few pounds."  Others say, "You look great."

But the truth is that I don't look great.  Even after losing 70 lbs, I am still obese.  I am still not quite halfway to my goal weight.

People also say to me, "Don't you feel great?"

I'm not sure how to answer that question.  Do I feel better than I did when I weighed 262 lbs?  Of course I do.  But, the reason I feel better doesn't have much to do with the lost fat.  It has to do with the fact that my thyroid was finally properly medicated.

I see the weight loss as nothing more than a side effect of thyroid medication.  At this point, I'm not trying to diet.  I'm not counting calories, skipping dessert, or eating rabbit food until it comes out of my ears.  While I notice I'm not as hungry as I once was, I'm not going around skipping out on things I want to eat.

If I want it, I eat it.  If I don't want it, I don't eat it.

Granted, I'm not eating bowls and bowls of ice cream or piles of junk food.  I feel like I've reached something of a point of equilibrium.

In the 11 weeks (rounded down) since my last weigh-in, I've lost 9.2 lbs.  That's not exactly going to win me a world record, but I figure anything in the right direction is an improvement.  If I'd get off my dead lazy butt, I'm sure I'd lose more.

But I'm not sure I care all that much right now.  I have a lot on my plate.

The Ex moved out last month taking The Kid in tow.  I was gone on vacation for the three weeks prior and returned to a vacant, but very dirty, house.  It's taken me a month (yes, it was that bad) to get the place cleaned up.

My stress level has dropped from being very high to pretty low.  Sure, I have my moments, still, but overall, I think that this divorce is probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

It's hard to believe that anyone would say, "my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me," but it's true.

I don't want to talk too badly about my ex, since the parting is amicable, but the fact is that The Ex was a huge slob.  Our two biggest fights were about money and the cleanliness of the house.  The Ex wanted to be my wife, but didn't seem to want to do a very good job of cooking, cleaning or anything else that smacked of "wifeliness."  It is incredibly nice to have a clean house and know that it will stay that way.

Granted, having three pet birds doesn't exactly help, but I clean the cages and vacuum the floor daily.  My house is no longer a disaster, which it was before.  I was honestly embarrassed to have friends over.

It's been over a year since The Ex asked me for a divorce.  It's been 4.5 months since we signed our get (Jewish divorce papers).  While we still haven't filed for civil divorce, as we've decided to wait until The Kid turns 18 in 7 weeks, we have signed a property settlement agreement.  The hard part, it seems, is over.

And now it's time to get on with my life.