Ratty Clothing

It's funny how you don't notice things change over time. It's not until something grabs your attention that you notice things aren't as they once were. Just before I left on vacation, I had one of those wake up calls regarding my clothing.

First off, I should explain that clothing isn't one of my top priorities. I used to be a jeans and t-shirt kind of person, and then when I grew out of my jeans, I became a sweat pants and t-shirt person. I've always hated to shop, especially for clothing. Even when I was thin, I couldn't find clothes that fit right. Pants that fit in the seat were too big in the waist, and everything was just too long and had to be hemmed. Now that I'm heavier, I have a hell of a time finding anything that fits, so I just don't shop for clothes.

If you were to look in my closet, there's lots of stuff in there that doesn't fit, and my dresser is stuffed with sweat pants and t-shirts in various colors. Those are my uniform for the day. Since I work at home most of the time, I don't need nice clothes. When I do make an appearance in front of my boss, I have one or two dressy outfits, and that's more than enough. He's a guy and probably doesn't notice that I wear the same two things over and over when we meet. Besides, the dress code in his office is jeans and t-shirts, so it really doesn't matter.

If I'm staying home, I don't mind wearing clothes that are stained or have holes in them. After all, who is going to see? Nobody. When I go out, though, I like to pick sweats and shirts that are clean, don't have any permanent stains, holes or tears. Usually, I'll have to pick through several shirts before I go out, but I know I have some clothes that are still mostly good.

When I packed for vacation, though, I realized just how much of my clothing was either ripped, stained, or had holes in it. I have an entire dresser stuffed with shirts and sweats. I couldn't find enough clothing to last me a week that wasn't damaged in some way. I ended up picking the best of what I had, none of which was very good, and made due. Truthfully, it wasn't as if it was going to matter all that much -- I was planning to ride horses so I definitely didn't want to bring along high-fashion clothing. After all, horses are filthy, and the dirt you brush off them ends up all over your hair and clothes.

So it really was okay. I wasn't struck down by the fashion police. G-d didn't send a lightning bolt down from the sky to punish me for dressing badly.

But the truth is, it bothered me a little bit. It bothered me that this was the first time I was taking a vacation in nine years, and it was the first time I was going to see my sister at her home, and I didn't have anything better than ratty sweat pants and t-shirts with holes in them. Of course it didn't bother me enough to actually go and do anything about it. Even if I had wanted to, I really didn't have time to shop before I left. I was busy packing my bag at the last possible minute, so going out to buy a whole new wardrobe wasn't going to make it onto the schedule.

Now that I'm back from vacation, I guess I should take another look at my wardrobe, but it doesn't seem worth it. If I'm successful at losing weight, anything I buy now will be too big in a few months, and since my clothing still fits, I might as well keep it for as long as possible. Eventually, I realize my clothing will start falling off of me, so I guess then is the time I'll buy a few things to keep me going.

But maybe I should start throwing away stuff that's ripped our stained. After all, I really shouldn't be wearing clothing with holes so big I can put my fist through...