Tuesday, July 10, 2007

May Day Weight Loss Challenge Weigh-In #9

Here's the results of my May Day Weight Loss Challenge Weigh-In #9. I missed last week's weigh-in because I was off on vacation for 10 days, and I decided that my vacation was not only going to be a vacation from work, it was also going to be a vacation from obsessing about my weight.

I left my scale at home, thank you very much. I ate like a pig, and I enjoyed every minute of it. In my defense, though, I was very active. I was visiting my sister, who lives on acreage and has a bunch of horses. The entire time I was there, I was playing with, cleaning up after, and riding them. I spent very little time doing nothing. When I did do nothing, it was because we were seeing temperatures in the 100's and it was too hot to do anything at all. As soon as it cooled off, though, we were back riding and exercising horses in the round pen.

I've lost 3.8 lbs since my last May Day Weight Loss Challenge weigh-in two weeks ago. All total, I've lost an even 10 lbs since the start of the challenge. I was hoping that I would have been able to average 2 lbs a week, so that I'd be down a total of 18 lbs by now, but 10 is better than zero.

Now that I'm back from vacation, I'm really struggling again. The truth is, I really don't enjoy exercising. Walking around the neighborhood seems pointless and stupid, and I don't have the money to buy exercise equipment or join a gym. Doing push-ups on the living room floor is equally distasteful. It was easy to be active when I was on vacation, because there were plenty of things I wanted to be doing. At home, there are no horses, no fun things to do, and exercise is a drag. Since I can't be nearly as active as I was on vacation because I have to work at a desk job all day, I also can't get away with eating nearly as much food. Now I have to go back to being hungry all the time.

Bleah. I should have stayed gone.

I think what has made the transition back to "the real world" so very hard is that this is the first vacation I've taken in almost 10 years. In all that time, I couldn't go anywhere because I was stuck in the lousy position of either having time off but no money, or money but no time off. As it was, I almost didn't go on this vacation because my car was giving me trouble, my SO managed to run up an expensive dental bill, and my job was throwing insane amounts of work on me before I left. The only reason I was able to go was because my father decided to help out with travel expenses and took some time off from work to fix my car, and I basically gave my boss the middle finger and told him I was leaving anyway.

I had a great time on vacation, which makes the contrast of my regular life all the more stark. I'm coming to the realization that I am very unhappy in my current life. I don't like my job, my house, or the neighborhood in which I live. It really was a huge contrast. During the five days I spent with my sister, I woke up early, got out of bed early and had plenty of energy, even though we were staying up until past midnight most nights so we could visit. Now that I'm back home, I'm making an effort to go to bed early, but it's a struggle to get out of bed.

For the first time in ages, I felt really good. It's a real struggle to go back to my life because I just feel so crummy all the time. It makes me want to run away from home.

8 comments:

Sara said...

You are doing a good job with the challenge. Remember to look at the positives in your life, and if you can't find any, make some. Praying for you!

Kellie said...

I hate hate hate walking outside too(esp. this time of year) but I've found I enjoy the newer Leslie Sansone Walk At Home videos.

Hang in there! Looks like you've done well so far...10 pounds since the challenge began and nearly 18 overall. I'd say you're doing great!

Jan B said...

Wow. That is a powerful and emotional post. I can relate to so much that you have said.

I am not particularly thrilled with walking either. For a long time I couldn't even do it, because I had irritable bowel syndrome and I would be not even down the road and have to go. It is terrible embarrassing. I couldn't even walk the kids.

A couple of things helped me. First, I know you said that you can't afford gym equipment, but I bought a treadmill at sears. It was about $10.00 a month. ($800) I paid it off over time and it has been so great. I don't have to leave the house and I don't have to guess at what my speed is. Even just getting a used one is good.

Secondly, I got on Meridia. This is through the doctor. It does make it so that I can eat a 1500 or less calorie diet and under 10 grams of fat and not be starving. I am only taking one 10 mg pill every other day. I just knew that it would be harder to do it alone. I plan to taper off of it in about two months by going to 5 mg every other day and finally extending that to every three days until I am on my own.

Thirdly, I read a book called Make the Connection by Bob Greene. It has really helped me. It's just common sense stuff about eating right and exercising and it is a quick read. It is probably in the library. You might like it.

Losing weight is it's own reward, but losing weight is so hard if you hate the big things in your life, your job, your significant other, that sort of stuff, but the job is a huge thing. Maybe you can't get a different job right away, but can you do something good for yourself, maybe get a good hobby or another type of outlet where you are having some good positives in your life?

I wish I could reach out and be able to make things better for you. You sound like with the vacation you see some real things in your life that you want to change. I hope that you are able to find some peace so that you are not feeling so down about your life.

Robin said...

You sound like you have a lot of unhappiness in your life right now. I am sorry for that and I hope you are able to make some changes that will help in those areas.
It sounds like you had a great vacation - sometimes coming home from those types of get-aways is really hard.
I hope that you have a good week - I will pray for you as I sign off.

Lady T said...

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

i've had similiar feelings at over the past several months....loathing your job sucks so much bc you spend sooo many hours at it each day. i spend 37.5 hours a week doing stuff when i'd rather be operating on myself, without anesthesia! lol....

jokes aside....sounds like eventually you have life altering choices to make if you want to be happier. i'll keep you in mind and prayer.

Denise said...

Hang in there dear, you are doing good.

FatBlokeThin said...

Come on - 10 pounds IS A LOT! Small steps still get us where we want to be, it just takes that little bit longer...

I took my scales all the way (weigh?) to France and brought them back all the way back again - never touched them! Lol!

Anyway, holidays are just that - a break from routine and everyday concerns - don't feel guilty about anything.

Sounds to me like you need a life plan. Give yourself a realistic chance to improve your circumstances - write down what you want to change in your life in the next 2-3 years. Then break each one of those things down into projects - list all the things that are stopping you making the change and then address each one as an individual problem and tackle them one at a time - share your problems with friends, you'll be amazed what changes you can make when you look at problems in this way.

It won't happen over night though and I'm not pretending it is easy, but it can be done!

You are a strong person who can control your own destiny.


'A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce results. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.'

This is from a book by James Allen and can be found at this site.

Time for positive thought and an action plan!

Best of luck!

Mama Bear June said...

Everybody already said what I would have said. So I will pray that you are able to make the changes you want to make to enjoy your life more. 10 pounds gone is awesome! (And more than many of us have lost since the challenge began!
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