Day 19 - Motivation Lacks When Things Go Wrong

An Open Letter to The Kid:

Dear Daughter,

When you, in a fit of pique, decide to take a pair of scissors and chop off your hair, don't expect me to take you to the beauty salon to repair the damage. I'm especially disinclined to take you to the salon, as this is not the first time you've done this, and your excuse is especially pathetic. My refusal to allow you wear cosmetics at age 13 isn't sufficient reason to have a tantrum.

I love you dearly, but I'm not going to pay for any more salon cuts for you. If you need a trim, I have a lovely pair of scissors on my desk that will work just fine, and I'll be glad to help.

Love,

- Oinkstop

Raising kids is never easy, and it's especially difficult if the child you are raising hasn't lived with you for his or her entire life. In our case, The Kid has only lived with us for about 2.5 years. The first decade of her life was marred by poor parenting on the good days, and abuse and neglect on the bad, so we can't always expect her to behave in the same way a child born to us would behave.

Knowing that The Kid started out from a disadvantage doesn't make it any easier to deal with her behavior when things are going poorly. When things are going well, she's a great kid. When things aren't, The Kid can be very, very difficult.

I've found this week that it's been very difficult to stick to my diet entirely as planned, especially when it's been such a tough week. Not only have we had struggles with The Kid, The Job has been especially difficult, and I lost almost an entire day of work when my computer was infected with a virus.

So with all of this going on, it's been hard not to completely throw in the towel. I've managed to stick through the week, mostly according to plan, but last night I finally gave up. I went out to dinner, we had Mexican food, and I ate tortilla chips, a salad (loaded with dressing), two cheese enchiladas, rice and beans. I ate way more chips than I should have, but when I walked out of the restaurant, I wasn't completely stuffed.

But the truth was, I was hungry. When we got home, I had some buttered popcorn as we sat and watched a movie.

I don't feel particularly guilty, because I didn't gorge myself. The other reality is that I have to find a way to live with this diet. Starving myself forever isn't going to be productive, especially because I know it won't take long to reach my breaking point and just give up entirely.

So I'm still at it today. I had my breakfast shake and I'll have another for lunch, and I'll keep going, one day at a time.

But I have to admit, my motivation for sticking to the diet really lacks when things are going so wrong around chez Oinkstop.