Day 49 - What Should I Blog About Today?

I considered not writing this morning because I really couldn't come up with anything diet-related that I wanted to talk about.

Sure, there's lots of stuff I could say, but mostly it would be repetitive griping. You know, the usual stuff like I'm tired, I feel grumpy, and I'm starting to get cold. Nothing positive there, so I feel like I should just shut up about it already.

Or, I could talk about stuff in the TMI (Too Much Information) category. I could share that during my diet vacation I became very constipated, but this morning I had an amazing case of the Atomic Butt Blasts and it wouldn't surprise me at all if I crapped out at least 10 lbs!

Well maybe not 10 lbs, but I'd definitely believe 3 lbs. It's happened before!

I suppose I could perseverate on the fact that my MIL is coming in for a visit in 17 days, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get my weight down to 218 lbs by the time she arrives. If I can, I'll no longer be morbidly obese. Instead, I'll just be plain old obese, which is definitely better than being morbid.

Why is it they have to come up with such depressing names for fat people, anyway? Why don't they come up with nicer names that don't sound so terrible.

Here's the new names I propose:

Old Name	New Name
Overweight	Large
Obese	Mongo
Morbidly Obese	Pachydermal
Super Obese	Cetacean

I mean really, don't you think that it would sound just a bit nicer if someone said, "Hey check out that cetacean woman over there!" Doesn't that just sound nicer than "Hey, check out that super-obese woman over there!"

Well, maybe the truth is that none of it sounds nice, and that's why we should all lose weight.

Day 48 - Back on Track

I haven't blogged in a bit more than a week because I got to the point where I was feeling so lousy that I just couldn't take it any more.

So, I went on a diet vacation for a week. Now I'm back on track and feeling better. I'm back to sticking to my Cambridge Diet shakes and nothing else for at least a week. We'll see how things go after that.

After a break from the shakes, they actually taste a bit better. For a while there, they were tasting so bad I would gag every time I tried to have one.

I think the break was just what I needed. I hope I can stick to it, because now I have a bit less than three weeks before my MIL comes to visit. I'm hoping by the time she gets here, I'll have lost enough weight that she'll notice.

I'm sure my diet vacation didn't help, but I think if I hadn't taken it, I'd have decided to quit, permanently, by now.

And no, I don't feel the slightest bit guilty, even though I'm sure I put on a few pounds. I'm not sure what the total damage is because my scale is giving me odd readings, so I'm not going to step on the scale again until Friday.

We'll see how it goes.

Day 40 - Tired of Being Tired

Before I started Cambridge Diet, I seemed to have a big problem with being tired all of the time. I just never had any energy, and even my daily chores seemed like a big effort. I thought perhaps my problem was being too fat, and not getting enough exercise. I started to cut down on the food, and we started walking as a family, but that left me even more worn out.

So I started Cambridge. I've heard many people say that when they started to lose the weight, their energy started to pop.

Well guess what?

I still don't have any energy.

I suspect it's hard to have much in the way of energy, given that three shakes only amount to 420 calories. That's barely enough juice to keep the lights on, let alone have extra energy for exercise or anything else.

But I'm hanging in.

And although yesterday's post was pretty illiterate since I was so wiped out, I've realized that food and hunger really are my two biggest enemies. Food is my enemy because I want to eat it, and hunger is my enemy because it gives me the desire to eat food.

And food is also my enemy because when I eat it, I gain weight.

I ate dinner on Friday and some food on Saturday, and even though I did make an effort to keep portion sizes down, I still managed to gain two pounds since Friday morning.

I'm not terribly worried about, because I know a couple days of sole sourcing will get rid of it. It's still discouraging to see that weight pop back on so quickly, even when I try to make good food choices.

Even when I make bad food choices, I'm still eating far less than I used to, but that doesn't seem to make a difference, either.

There's no doubt that dieting is hard, and this diet is especially so. I'm just going to keep going for as long as I can. I still have about 2.5 months of shakes left, so I'm going to keep at it until they are gone.

After that, a lot will depend on our finances and whether or not The Wife has found a new job by then.

Day 39 - Food and Hunger are the Enemies

As of yesterday, I'd done a pretty darn good job of sticking to just the shakes 100%. I not only knocked off the weight I'd gained on the bus trip, I lost a few more pounds, besides.

But I've realized that I just can't stick to a 100% shake diet for more than about five days at a time. By Friday afternoon, I was feeling sick. I was hungry and nauseated at the same time. Friday morning, I couldn't get down my entire shake. I had to put half of it in the fridge and try again several hours later. I was too queasy to drink my afternoon shake until about 3:00 PM.

I'd also been having diarrhea for several days, and my poor rear end was getting pretty sore form all the wiping. In fact, I'd wiped so much that I'd given myself a nastly toilet paper abrasion on my poor behind! (I know, too much information, but I'm just telling it like it is)

Anyway, there's nothing more depressing when you know you've wiped your rear so much that you are bleeding.

By dinner time, I felt terrible. I took a hot shower and felt so lightheaded that I thought I might pass out. I slipped into my pajamas, and had a rest on the best. My stomach gurgled and growled. I wasn't sure if I'd be sick to my stomach, or if I was going to have to spend some more time sitting on the commode.

Finally, The Wife came in to check on me. "You look terrible," she said. "You really should eat something."

She was right. I did feel terrible, and by that point I was just too hungry and nauseated to care. She went out and got KFC.

I ended up gobbling down three pieces of chicken. As soon as I did, I felt enormously better. I also had one biscuit (instead of my usual two), some mixed veggies (as prepared by the wife with no butter), only some of the mashed potatoes (instead of my usual double helping) and about three sporkfuls of macaroni salad. I stopped eating when I was full, and had two cookies for dessert.

The food tasted good, and I felt so much better afterwards. I went to bed, for the first time in what seemed like ages, with a full belly.

I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty, because I was honestly feeling quite ill. Weight is up this morning about 1.8 lbs from yesterday, though.

I think I'm going to have to start making a habit of adding regular food to my regimen of shakes. Too many days of shakes alone just leaves me feeling terrible.

Day 38 - Changing My Weigh-In Day

Well, I've decided to do it. I'm changing my "official" weigh-in day from Wednesday to Friday, simply because I know I'll show better losses on Friday than I will on any other day of the week. I'm much better at sticking to the diet during the week than I am on the weekends.

So this morning's weigh-in put me at 230.2 lbs. That's down 3 lbs since Wednesday, and 4.2 lbs from the week before.

Just a tiny bit more, and I'll be in the 220s, which will be a nice little progress marker. As of this morning, I'm only 12.2 lbs away from being merely obese instead of morbidly obese.

Whoopee!

Last night I was really struggling with hunger. It seems to really hit me at bedtime. I find myself struggling to fall asleep because my stomach is busy growling and yelling that it would like some food. I know it might help to take my evening shake a little later, but by dinner time I'm starving too. Yesterday was just an all-around hungry day, but I didn't give in. I just stuck to the shakes.

I sure hope this gets easier, but if I keep going at the rate I'm going, I'll definitely be down into the obese range by the time my Mother-in-Law visits in April. I hope she notices all the weight loss.

Day 37 - Cheating the Scale

I've been thinking about changing my weigh-in day from Wednesday to Friday, simply because my weight is always better on Friday.

I'll be honest, I'm not doing 100% Sole Source Cambridge Diet anyway, and on the weekends I tend to eat a bit more. Sometimes, my weight pops up over the weekend, and it doesn't always come off by my Wednesday weigh-in.

Not that it really matters, because I obsessively weigh myself several times a day.

I know you shouldn't do that, but I feel like it keeps me honest. If I go out and have Mexican food, I pretty much have instant feedback on the damage I've done and how much work I need to do to correct it.

So, I'm thinking of moving my weigh-in to Friday.

The Wife and I have had a fun morning. (Translation, not fun)

We found out that someone is out there frauding on our credit card, and so far they've run up almost $2000 in purchases. We've called the credit card company, we've reported the fraud, and they've sent us new credit cards. The worst is that they won't remove the charges until the statement cuts, so I'm worried the card will end up going over limit and we'll be hit with even more problems.

Of course the worst was when the credit card company didn't believe it was us calling. They actually made us go into our local bank and have the manager call and visually verify we were who we said we were.

Crazy.

Day 36 - Weigh In Blahs

Well this week I didn't do quite as well as I've done in previous weeks. My weight this morning was 233.2 lbs, down only 1.2 lbs from last week.

It's not totally surprising, given that I went off the diet for the school bus trip, and I had trouble getting back on program the following day. I suspect my results would have been better had I not agreed to go out to lunch yesterday, but my mother was in town, and I still don't want her to know I'm dieting.

So, I guess I should be happy about the 1.2 lbs loss.

Right now, my overarching concern isn't really my diet at all. I'm very worried about our money situation now that The Wife's job is suddenly ending. We'll be okay, but it's pretty scary to think that our business' gross income will drop almost by half.

I still have a job, which is good, but I'm scared it could be me next!

Day 35 - More Stuff to Worry About

Well, as if I didn't already have enough stuff to worry about...

The Wife just got word that she's losing her contract as of the end of the month.

I guess I'm glad I bought a three month supply of Cambridge Diet. At least that's covered.

Ah damn...

Day 34 - Sick of Shakes

Since my last weigh-in, I've been really struggling with the diet because I've come to a point where I'm really sick of shakes. I know that's kind of stupid, since I just bought three cases (a three-month supply) of the stuff, and I know it's in my best interest to stick with it.

But just because something is in my best interest doesn't mean that it's easy to do.

Because, really, I'm just sick of shakes. I want real food, with a real taste, and I want it every day, not just on the designated food days I set out for myself.

I know this feeling will pass. I know that it will get easier. But right now, today, at this very moment, if I never saw another Cambridge shake, I wouldn't miss it.

Day 33 - Worried About the Future

On Friday, The Wife and I spent about 13 hours chaperoning a school field trip for our daughter's school. It was a long day. We spent 3 hours on a bus, each way, plus 3 hours walking around a museum, and the rest of the time was spent at our two meal stops and loading/unloading the bus.

It wasn't a bad trip, but it was definitely a long trip.

I went off CD on Friday because I couldn't figure out a way to bring along the shakes and be able to mix them on the bus. Instead, I brought a sandwich and some healthy snacks. Dinner was an all-you-can eat buffet, but I made one trip through the buffet line and stuck mostly to salad.

Yesterday, I just couldn't get my head around having the shakes again, so I ate small amounts of normal food. I did give in and have a few cookies -- only four -- which is better than what I normally would have done. Normally, I would have eaten the entire box in one sitting.

But still the damage for two days of eating was pretty bad. Looks like I've gained about 3 lbs. Of course I won't know the official damage until Wednesday, when I have my weekly weigh in.

So this morning I'm back to the shakes again, and I had a very hard time choking down my strawberry shake. I found myself gagging as I tried to get it down. At one point, I nearly vomited.

ugh.

What I learned this weekend was that even moderate eating really sends my weight sky-high. Although there's no doubt I shouldn't have eaten the cookies, it's not like I had that many of them.

So I'm worried that I'll go to all this trouble to lose the weight, and I'll have to forever starve myself to keep it off.

Oh well, I'm trying not to think about it. Right now, I'm just trying to concentrate on getting the weight off in the first place.

Day 30 - The Root of Sabotage

Well, I finally got to the bottom of why The Wife was trying to sabotage my diet at every turn.

It seems fear was her problem.

Fear? How's that work exactly?

Well, it seems that The Wife has been worrying that once I lose all this weight and become slim and attractive to other people, I'll just dump her and go looking for someone else.

I did my best to reassure her that was not the case. We've been together for a decade now, and I don't really want to end our relationship. That thought was so far from my mind that it was laughable, but I did my best to be kind, and not just laugh in her face at the sheer absurdity of it all.

I am not leaving The Wife when I lose weight. At least not unless she dumps me first.

At the moment I feel like I'm in the middle of a race between my stomach and the United Parcel Service truck. I ran out of Cambridge powder, so I'm hoping the truck gets here soon. Last night I ended up having a small dinner with the family, but it doesn't seem to have done much damage. I'll know better on my next weigh in, which is scheduled for next Wednesday.

I have to say that I'm struggling a bit with the big picture. Although I'm really happy about this week's 5 lb loss, I started feeling pretty discouraged when I realized I'm going to be at this for at least another 6-9 months. Even though I've lost 19 lbs since I started CD, and I've lost almost 23 from my high weight, I'm still not noticing a difference in my clothes.

Last night, I went through my closet to see what I had stashed away, and found pants as large as a size 20 and as small as a 14. I know I have even smaller clothes packed away in boxes in the garage, so I don't think I'll need to do much in the way of clothing shopping for a while. At the moment, I've got several pairs of extra-large sweat pants, and two pair of size 24 jeans. Oddly enough, the two pair of jeans are the same manufacturer, style and size, but they fit very differently. One is loose, while the other is tight. The difference? The two pair of jeans were sewn in different factories.

Tomorrow The Wife and I will be chaperoning a field trip for The Kid's school. Although I'm looking forward to the ultimate destination, I'm not looking forward to a three-hour bus ride each way. Fortunately, the school chartered a bus, so we'll have bathrooms on board. These days, I can't seem to go five minutes without ending up in the bathroom.

The joys of an all-liquid diet, plus trying to down 2 liters of water on top of it.

Day 29 - Weigh and Measure

This morning, my weigh in was nothing short of excellent. I weighed 234.4 lbs, which is down a total of 5 lbs from last week. I've lost a total of 22.6 lbs from my high weight, and 18.2 lbs since I started the Cambridge Diet.

My percentage of body fat, according to my super-fancy scale, is now 47%. That's down from a high of 50%. Not too shabby.

Over the past four weeks, I've lost quite a few inches as well:

• neck - 1/2"
• bust - 1/2"
• waist -2"
• hips - 1"
• upper arm - 2 1/4"
• thigh - 1/4"

I guess I can't complain a whole lot, can I?

Yay me!

Day 28 - So Tired

This morning, I'm feeling pretty darn tired. I had another frustrating day at work yesterday because my computer blew up and I had to re-install the entire operating system. Instead of actually getting some work done, The Wife and I spent the entire day trying to fix my stupid computer. I didn't get started on any actual work until almost 7:00 PM.

So I'm really tired this morning.

The weight dropped another .5 lb since yesterday, so I'm quite happy about that. Unfortunately, I still haven't noticed my clothes fitting any better. If I look in the mirror, it appears nothing has changed. My boobs and my rear end just go on forever!

Tomorrow will be my week 4 weigh-in, so I'll be taking pictures and measuring myself. I guess it's harder for the tape measure to lie than the scales!

I'm starting to run out of the Cambridge powder, so I hope my new shipment arrives on time. It's scheduled for Thursday, and I hope it makes it. If it doesn't, then I'll either have to choke down those dreadful SuperOats over the weekend or go without. Friday we won't be around because we are chaperoning a school field trip for The Kid, so nobody will be home to sign for the package.

Today is definitely a day I wish I wasn't self-employed. If I had a regular job, I'd definitely call in sick!

Day 27 - My Scale Must be Broken!

After having cake on Saturday, I really expected the scales to jump up. Yesterday wasn't much better for staying on plan. I had a shake for a late breakfast (almost lunch) because I wasn't hungry, and then we went to a meeting at The Kid's school.

The meeting took much longer than we expected, and since they had snacks and I was starving, I decided to partake. I had some cheese and a few grapes.

I managed to avoid the crackers and cookies.

By the time dinner rolled around, I figured I'd already blown it for the day, so I had some broccoli and a 1/2 cup serving of hamburger helper with the family.

So imagine my shock when I stepped on the scale this morning and it claimed I weighed 235 lbs this morning. That's down 4.4 lbs since last Wednesday's weigh-in! I have another three days until my next official weigh-in, so this is just crazy!

There is no logic to dieting. It doesn't make sense that I wasn't really on plan and I get rewarded for it.

Well, no complaints from me! I'll take that gift horse without checking its mouth.

Day 26 - Having My Cake and Eating It Too

Yesterday we went up to visit my mother for the day. When we arrived, I discovered that she'd made my favorite cake in the world.

So naturally, I had some. In fact, I had quite a bit. Probably way more than I should have had.

But the thing is, I'd given myself permission (for the first time since I went on the diet) to eat as much, and whatever, I wanted.

So I don't feel at all guilty.

Will it negatively affect this week's weight loss?

Probably.

Do I care?

No.

Now it's not as though I don't care about my diet. I absolutely do care about it. I also realize, though, that there's no way I'm going to be able to stick to a very strict diet for at least six to nine months without having a break once in a while.

So I had my cake, and I ate it too. Today, I go back to the diet as if nothing happened.

I figure if I spend more days on plan than off, I'm bound to lose weight in the long run.

Of course I didn't step on the scale this morning. I really didn't want to know what the damage was. I'll stick to plan and weigh-in again on Wednesday.

Day 24 - Will Our Marriage End?

A little background for those who live outside California.

Last year, the California Supreme Court ruled "that the California legislative and initiative measures limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples violate the state constitutional rights of same-sex couples and may not be used to preclude same-sex couples from marrying."

Last Spring, The Wife and I got married.

This morning, the biggest thing on my mind is not my diet. I'm still reeling from watching the California Surpreme court hear oral arguments regarding Proposition 8. For those unfamiliar, Proposition 8 was a ballot initiative that changed the California State Constitution to read "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."

After watching the oral arguments, I left wondering if the State Supreme Court will void our marriage. It seemed to me that the judges were very hostile towards the idea of overturning Proposition 8, but were undecided on the fate of the 18,000 same-sex marriages that had been performed before the election.

The Wife and I have been together for a decade, but we've only been married for just over eight months. The court will issue their ruling within 90 days, and I feel like we are sitting on death row, waiting for our execution.

The most disturbing thing about the oral arguments was Ken Starr's opinion that the voters should be allowed to make whatever changes they wish to the constitution. Although he agreed that voters were not always wise, it is their sovereign right to make those changes.

It's a brave new world out there, folks.

Last November, the state voted to eliminate the rights of gays and lesbians to marry. Perhaps in two years, the state will vote to eliminate the right of gays and lesbians to adopt. What's next after that? Will they vote away protections for equal housing and employment?

Even more chilling, if they can vote away the rights of on unpopular minority, who will be next? Blacks? Hispanics? Asians? Perhaps they'll just go after Arabs in retaliation for 9/11.

If the court upholds Proposition 8, what they are really saying is that California's Equal Protection clause doesn't necessarily have to afford equal protection to everyone. It just affords equal protection to those in the majority, or those the majority deems fit to receive protection.

If that's the case, why do we even have a constitution in the first place?

Day 23 - In for a Dime, In for a Dollar

Earlier this week, I promised The Kid that we'd go out for pizza as a family on Saturday. I found out that's not going to be possible, as my mother called and wanted to know if we could come and visit this weekend. Since not keeping a promise to The Kid is just short of a deadly sin, I decided we'd go out to pizza last night.

I ordered an individual pizza to keep my serving size down. Even so, I gained a pound. I'm not terribly worried about it, as I suspect the majority of the gain was the weight of my not-yet-pooped-out pizza remnants.

It's all good.

Today, of course, I'm back at it.

I'm starting to run low on supplies, so I went ahead and ordered a resupply. Since the nice folks at Cambridge Direct Sales gave me a 10% off my next order coupon, I went ahead and ordered three cases of shake mix. That's a three-month supply of powder.

So I guess I'm really making a commitment to stick with it.

I'm hoping my losses will remain high, since I'll be seeing my MIL on the third weekend of April. I hope I will have lost enough that she'll actually notice I'm smaller, though I'm not really holding my breath.

Of course one of my friends already noticed I've lost weight. He's my absolute best friend in the entire world, but he also knows I've been dieting. On the other hand, his noticing may actually be legitimate because he's Deaf, and almost nothing escapes his very observant eyes.

I'm not seeing much of a difference yet. My size 24W pants don't really feel any looser than when I bought them last Spring in time for my wedding.

Day 22 - Weigh In #3 & Responsibility for Other People's Happiness

Despite my earlier grousing this week about my weight not budging, it seems something shook loose over the last couple of days. Today is my third weigh in.

Today's weight: 239.4 lbs, for a loss of 3.2 lbs for the week.

Not too shabby. Only 21.4 lbs to go until I'm merely obese. At this rate, of weight loss, I'll probably I'll be very close to obesity by the time the in-laws visit in April. Wouldn't it be nice for my MIL to notice I've lost weight?

Don't get me wrong. I adore my MIL. She does tend to nag me about my weight, though.

In other news, in pondering my Diet Saboteurs, I came to an important realization: I am not responsible for other people's happiness.

I know that sounds like a big duh, but when The Kid was giving me the big lecture about how bad my diet was making her feel, I was feeling really crummy. But then I realized something important -- how other people feel about my diet isn't my problem. It's their problem. So, when The Wife or The Kid start complaining how they feel so bad because I'm not eating, I'm going to let them own their own feelings.

I'm on this diet because I'm tired of being fat. I have more than 100 lbs to lose before I'll be at a weight considered healthy for my height, and I need to do something about it. So when family members whine, I'm going to have to remind myself that I'm not responsible for their unhappiness.

I'm responsible for my own happiness, not theirs.

Day 21 - Saboteurs

I am getting really tired of the diet saboteurs, namely The Wife and The Kid, who live in my house.

It seems like just about every night either The Wife or The Kid is trying to convince me I should eat something I shouldn't. Last week, I tried eating small meals during dinner. It slowed my weight loss to a screeching halt, plus I had to listen to both The Wife and The Kid whining about how little I was eating.

I told The Wife no more, and then she decided we were going to go out to dinner on Friday, and we ended up going out again on Saturday because my father unexpectedly popped into town. Then, The Wife and The Kid wanted to pop out and get pizza Sunday night.

I told them no, and there was a certain amount of sulking about it.

Last night we had a big Family Talk about something related to The Kid, and because it was a good family talk, then The Wife and The Kid wanted to go out for pizza.

I said no.

The Kid drew me aside and proceeded to give me a big lecture of how my diet was making her feel bad, and that she felt like she should also be on Cambridge (even though she's not overweight in the slightest) because it "wasn't fair" that they were eating and I wasn't. Furthermore, she told me, she didn't like going out for pizza without me, because it made her lonely.

I listened, but couldn't help feeling pretty darn mad.

Later that evening, I gathered them both up and told them flat out that I didn't appreciate their attempts at sabotaging my diet. I told them I was trying to lose weight because I am more than 100 lbs (more than what my 13-year-old daughter weighs) over the maximum healthy weight for my height. I also said that I was just tired of being fat, and I was tired of my weight getting in the way of things I want to do.

I wasn't trying to be mean, but I reduced The Wife to tears. The Kid is usually pretty stoic, so she didn't cry, but I could tell I made her feel bad.

I have to say, though, I am done being nice about the diet sabotage. Although I'm willing to go out once in a while, and I'm willing to give myself a break from time to time, I'm not willing to put up with invites to eat out every night of the week.

I've said my piece nicely. Next time it comes up, I'm going to start yelling.

And really, with the recession nibbling at our doorstep, and The Wife's job now converted to a month-to-month arrangement instead of an annual contract, I think the money we were spending on eating out would be better placed in our savings account.

Day 20 - Is There a Bridge Anywhere?

This morning I experimentally stepped on the scale, hoping to see a drop and I was greeted with a .2 lb loss.

Yep, that's right a 2/10ths of a pound drop.

Woo-effin-pee!

That means I've lost a whopping .2 lbs since last Wednesday. Wow, a whole 3.2 ounces. Oooh, I can tell that's going to make a big difference in the way my pants fit.

I am not a happy camper. Can you tell?

This weight loss thing is so frustrating, I find myself wondering if I'd be better off if I just threw myself off the nearest bridge.

No, you don't have to worry. I'm not really serious. It's just the thought does cross my mind when I'm so very frustrated.

Besides, knowing my luck, I wouldn't have the decency to die. I'd end up living the rest of my life as a very expensive vegetable, and be a huge emotional and financial burden to my family.

No bridges for me.

But really, why is it I can't even seem to lose weight on a VLCD past the second week?

Day 19 - Motivation Lacks When Things Go Wrong

An Open Letter to The Kid:

Dear Daughter,

When you, in a fit of pique, decide to take a pair of scissors and chop off your hair, don't expect me to take you to the beauty salon to repair the damage. I'm especially disinclined to take you to the salon, as this is not the first time you've done this, and your excuse is especially pathetic. My refusal to allow you wear cosmetics at age 13 isn't sufficient reason to have a tantrum.

I love you dearly, but I'm not going to pay for any more salon cuts for you. If you need a trim, I have a lovely pair of scissors on my desk that will work just fine, and I'll be glad to help.

Love,

- Oinkstop

Raising kids is never easy, and it's especially difficult if the child you are raising hasn't lived with you for his or her entire life. In our case, The Kid has only lived with us for about 2.5 years. The first decade of her life was marred by poor parenting on the good days, and abuse and neglect on the bad, so we can't always expect her to behave in the same way a child born to us would behave.

Knowing that The Kid started out from a disadvantage doesn't make it any easier to deal with her behavior when things are going poorly. When things are going well, she's a great kid. When things aren't, The Kid can be very, very difficult.

I've found this week that it's been very difficult to stick to my diet entirely as planned, especially when it's been such a tough week. Not only have we had struggles with The Kid, The Job has been especially difficult, and I lost almost an entire day of work when my computer was infected with a virus.

So with all of this going on, it's been hard not to completely throw in the towel. I've managed to stick through the week, mostly according to plan, but last night I finally gave up. I went out to dinner, we had Mexican food, and I ate tortilla chips, a salad (loaded with dressing), two cheese enchiladas, rice and beans. I ate way more chips than I should have, but when I walked out of the restaurant, I wasn't completely stuffed.

But the truth was, I was hungry. When we got home, I had some buttered popcorn as we sat and watched a movie.

I don't feel particularly guilty, because I didn't gorge myself. The other reality is that I have to find a way to live with this diet. Starving myself forever isn't going to be productive, especially because I know it won't take long to reach my breaking point and just give up entirely.

So I'm still at it today. I had my breakfast shake and I'll have another for lunch, and I'll keep going, one day at a time.

But I have to admit, my motivation for sticking to the diet really lacks when things are going so wrong around chez Oinkstop.