Monday, July 21, 2008

Full of Shit -- Not Anymore!

Today was a productive, yet unpleasant, dieting day.

I found out, exactly, how much the contents of my digestive tract weighs when it is full.

And how did I find that out?

If you are sensitive or easily grossed-out, you probably don't want to know. If you read further, don't tell me later that you weren't warned!

Let's just say that I had an upset stomach -- a really upset stomach. I'm not sure what I ate that disagreed with me, but when I woke up this morning, my belly felt kind of bloated and stuffed. I chalked it up to constipation, especially after a rather pathetic morning showing on the throne prior to my morning's weigh in.

When I stepped on the scale, I weighed 243.4. Down a pound from yesterday. Good.

I ate breakfast, which consisted of two large peaches and a cup of low-fat cottage cheese. I eat this pretty often for breakfast, and normally it's quite a happy little breakfast. This morning, though, it wasn't happy, and about 30 minutes after eating, I felt sick to my stomach. I called in sick at work, and spent most of the day alternating between laying in bed shivering and sitting on the throne unloading the contents of my intestines.

Early afternoon, I happened to notice that my cottage cheese breakfast passed through, largely undigested. By 4:00 PM, I was still visiting the throne regularly, but there was nothing solid left. I pooped out vast quantities of liquid.

Finally, after about seven hours of doing a strange version of ass worship on the porcelain goddess, I was finally done. I felt better, and I could feel that there was absolutely, positively, nothing more left to poop out.

I took off all my clothes and stepped on the scale. I weighed 240.6 lbs.

I crapped out 2.8 lbs of shit my friends. That's almost three pounds of poop.

I guess when my friends tell me, "Oinkstop, you really are full of shit," they are probably right.

2 comments:

Once Upon A Dieter said...

I remember losing 7 pounds after a day of pooping my intestines out from food poisoning. Rehydrated, I got most all of it back.

Normally, after pooping, I'm down .5 to 1 poundon the scale.

And yeah, this is some gross convo we're having. :P

Drink lots of fluids, K?

Wonder if you got a touch of salmonella or something on your fruit...? Hm....

The Princess

Once Upon A Dieter said...

actually, come to think of it, it wasn't the peaches. It was likely something you ate at dinner (and the buggies did their nasty work as you slept.)

What you have for din-din?

The Princess