Full of Shit -- Not Anymore!

Today was a productive, yet unpleasant, dieting day.

I found out, exactly, how much the contents of my digestive tract weighs when it is full.

And how did I find that out?

If you are sensitive or easily grossed-out, you probably don't want to know. If you read further, don't tell me later that you weren't warned!

Let's just say that I had an upset stomach -- a really upset stomach. I'm not sure what I ate that disagreed with me, but when I woke up this morning, my belly felt kind of bloated and stuffed. I chalked it up to constipation, especially after a rather pathetic morning showing on the throne prior to my morning's weigh in.

When I stepped on the scale, I weighed 243.4. Down a pound from yesterday. Good.

I ate breakfast, which consisted of two large peaches and a cup of low-fat cottage cheese. I eat this pretty often for breakfast, and normally it's quite a happy little breakfast. This morning, though, it wasn't happy, and about 30 minutes after eating, I felt sick to my stomach. I called in sick at work, and spent most of the day alternating between laying in bed shivering and sitting on the throne unloading the contents of my intestines.

Early afternoon, I happened to notice that my cottage cheese breakfast passed through, largely undigested. By 4:00 PM, I was still visiting the throne regularly, but there was nothing solid left. I pooped out vast quantities of liquid.

Finally, after about seven hours of doing a strange version of ass worship on the porcelain goddess, I was finally done. I felt better, and I could feel that there was absolutely, positively, nothing more left to poop out.

I took off all my clothes and stepped on the scale. I weighed 240.6 lbs.

I crapped out 2.8 lbs of shit my friends. That's almost three pounds of poop.

I guess when my friends tell me, "Oinkstop, you really are full of shit," they are probably right.