Even thought I know I am pretty consistently losing weight, it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I've been stuck around the 234-lb mark for ages. I was prepared to write a colossal whine about it this morning, but decided to go back and check my weekly weigh-in results since I started my diet.
Here's what I came up with:
The honest truth is that I'm doing fine, and I'm averaging a 1.4 lb loss each week. The ubiquitous "they" say that you should be happy with a 1-2 lb average loss, and I'm right there.
But it really doesn't seem like I'm losing weight. I'm still waiting for my clothes to fit better, for people to start noticing, or for something to feel like it's changed. I feel like I'm busy waiting for Godot, where I wait day after day and nothing happens.
That's not entirely fair, of course, the numbers are changing on the scale. Counting this morning's new low, I've lost a total of 24 lbs. One would think that I would be noticing changes in my body, or at least how my clothes fit by now. Despite the fact that I've lost 9% of my original body weight, I still haven't managed to shrink out of a single outfit. In contrast, my SO has lost 31 lbs (just 7 lbs more) and has dropped three pant sizes.
When my SO starts talking about dieting, the words I hate you frequently come to mind.
I guess the reality is that if you have an enormous amount of weight to lose, it just takes a long time for the changes to be noticeable. From start to finish, I will need to lose a total of 121 pounds just to make it to a normal body weight, plus another 18 on top of that to get to the weight I think I should weigh. My goal right now is to be right smack dab in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height, and right now it seems like a long way off.
In terms of overall progress, I've lost 17% of the weight I need to lose if I'm shooting for my goal weight, and 19% of the weight I need to lose if I'm just shooting for the upper range of what's considered healthy.
I try not to think of things in terms of how far I have yet to go. I try not to think of even how far I've come. I just try to focus on the now, because the future and the past both seem so overwhelming.