Wednesday, August 15, 2012

If I Could Lose Five Pounds

So I've been here before.  I've been to the point where mere obesity is just a few pounds away, but I've never managed to cross the line.  I've come tantalizingly close, but each time I get there, things change and the goal slips ever more elusively away.

If I could lose just five pounds I would no longer be morbidly obese.

Will it happen this time?

I don't know.

I will say that my worries about divorce are big enough that my appetite is unusually low.  I've skipped dinner several nights this week for various reasons, but I haven't been particularly distressed about it.  Usually, going to bed hungry is my worst nightmare.  I find it hard to fall asleep, and I'll wake up at 3:00 AM starving and unable to drift off again.

But lately?  Last night The Wife made dinner, and I just didn't have the stomach for it.  I couldn't even finish my lunch.  I felt hungry, but my stomach was flipping and rolling like and I knew that if I ate anything I would end up feeling sick.  The day before, I ended up forgetting to eat my lunch and didn't eat until almost 4:00 PM.  By the time dinner rolled around, I wasn't hungry.  A few days before that, I met a friend for coffee (I ordered bottled water) and didn't get home until late.  I figured it was just too late to eat, so I went to bed.

Surprisingly, I haven't had much trouble being unable to sleep because I'm hungry.  Sure, I've been awake thinking other things, but my stomach has not been one of them.

So I see that goal of being simply obese floating ahead, tantalizing me.  It's so close, and yet it seems like it is a million miles away.

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