Monday, August 27, 2012

Mounting Frustration

I didn't post my Friday weigh-in results because, frankly, I was just too pissed off to do so.  Last Monday, I was at the lowest weight I'd seen in quite some time, and almost as soon as I hit it, my weight jumped up.

By Friday, I was up to 225.  I was pissed.  I've really made an effort not to eat crap, and for no explicable reason my weight had jumped.

Maybe the lower weight was just a fluke on the scale.

On the plus side, if there was a plus, I discovered that I can squeeze into a pair of size 20W pants I was given a few years ago.  A friend had tie-dyed them for me, but I couldn't pull them up over my hips, let alone zip them up.

Now I can pull them up and zip them, though they really are still somewhat on the tight side.  The pockets pull open, which is something I really hate to see on fat women.  They'll probably look better when I lose another ten pounds or so.

If that ever happens.

Now I suppose I should point out that I'm currently wearing size 24W.  I'm hoping I can actually fit into a smaller size, soon.  Right now, I own two pairs of pants that fit, but they are both getting loose.  One is a pair of very worn jeans that is so threadbare I expect a blowout any day.

I tried to buy some new pants at the Mart of Darkness a while back, but couldn't find anything that fit, even in the size I'm currently wearing.  After trying on several pair, and not wanting to go to a larger size, I gave up.

The pants I'm wearing, by the way, were purchased right before The Wife and I got married back in 2008.  (Can you tell how much I love to shop for clothes?)

With regards my eating habits, I've been taking to doing something I'm calling The Rule of Half.  Basically, when it comes to serving up my food, I take half what I would usually put on my plate.  When I'm finished, I wait a while to see if I'm really still hungry, or if I've had enough.

This morning, for example, instead of eating two packages of instant oatmeal, I had one.  I will say that one really doesn't feel like enough, but I've also been trying to be really cognizant of how hungry I am. If I'm a little hungry, that's okay.

Knowing that we will be filing for divorce in just under 14 months makes my weight loss efforts seem even more important.  Assuming we file on schedule, in 20 months I'll be single and dating again.  Although I'm not actively looking, I have taken a quick look on a few dating sites to see what's out there and what people seek.

One of the over-arching things I've seen is that most people are looking for HWP (height-weight proportionate) dates.  Although there are a few ads looking for BBWs (big beautiful women) the majority say that's not want they want.  Weight loss is clearly mandatory if I want to open up my dating options when the time comes.

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