Friday, April 10, 2009

Day 59 - Wondering What It Will Be Like

For quite some time, I've been wondering what it will be like when I'm finally back down into a normal, healthy weight range. When I close my eyes and try to imagine what it might be like, I draw a big, black, fuzzy blank.

It's not because I'm being pessimistic. I know I'll get there eventually. It's just that I simply can't imagine what my body will feel like when it's thin.

For most of my life, I've been somewhat on the pudgy side. I was more or less in shape (mostly less) during my high school and college years, and ever since I've ballooned in weight. High school and college are now more than 20 years past, and I have a very hard time remembering what I felt like during those times.

I can remember, during the one time in college where I truly was thin. I remember being surprised that clothing fit, and finding that clothing that I picked off the rack was actually too large.

But I can't remember what it felt like to sit, or move around. I just can't recall that at all.

Now, I look at my body and everything sags, especially my stomach. I wonder if I'll ever have a tummy that doesn't have to be lifted out of the way to care for my undercarriage. I'd like to hope that, even if my stomach is saggy, I won't have to keep lifting it, but I don't know. I'd like to hope that my body will shrink back to a normal look and that I won't have to keep lifting saggy bits of skin out of the way to wash.

But maybe I won't shrink. Maybe I'll end up looking like a deflated balloon when it's all over.

I don't know. I guess for now I'll keep wondering what it will be like. One day, I guess, I'll find out.

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