Monday, April 13, 2009

Day 62 - Motivation for Loosing Weight

Last weekend, The Kid has had a friend visiting for a sleep over. The Kid is 13, and The Friend is 12. On Saturday morning, the two of them went outside and started kicking a soccer ball around in the backyard.

Just watching them made me tired. Really tired.

So then I started thinking about all the reasons why I should lose weight.

Some of them, are pretty obvious, and really are less about my reasons for wanting the weight off. It's the stuff like better health, a longer life, and all the good stuff that the ubiquitous "they" have to say about why people should lose weight.

When I started thinking about the reasons that I want to lose the weight, I thought about a number of reasons, but then just as quickly realized that a lot of those reasons aren't important to me. Here's the list:

Reason to Lose Weight My Response
I'll look better. I don't care
I'll feel better. Will I?
My clothes fit better. I don't care about clothing, and I hate shopping
I'll be able to buy clothes at regular stores instead of buying fat clothes at a specialty shop. It would be nice, but it's not a huge motivator, even though I'll probably save money.
People might find me more attractive. So what? I'm already married.
I might live longer. Maybe, maybe not.
I won't have to lift up my fat stomach to wash underneath. Good reason.

I guess the real truth is that my motivation doesn't really come from any of the typical reasons people want to lose weight. Mostly, it's just I'm tired of being fat, and I'm sick of my fat being in my way. I don't like how it feels when I try to tie my shoes, or the fact that I have to pick up my breasts and my stomach to wash underneath.

At my heaviest, it was starting to get hard to twist around to wipe my ass.

I know, TMI, but that's the honest truth.

I really don't care so much about what people think of me, and I doubt once I've lost the weight that anybody will think I'm attractive. I don't even think I'll feel better about myself.

It's just the fat is getting in my way, and that's why it needs to go.

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