Down 16

As of this morning, I am down 16.1 pounds.  

In my hall closet, I have over 100 pounds of beans.  I bought them earlier this year when I learned that my favorite local bean distributor was closing.  I figured I'd stock up, as I'm not sure I'll be able to buy them anymore.

I was talking to The Boyfriend this morning and I asked him to pull several bags of beans out of the pantry, where I have them stored.  When he had handed one ten-pound bag and three two-pound bags, I hefted them in my arms and handed them back.

"That's how much weight I've lost," I told him.

"You are thinning down," he replied.

The scale is showing results -- there's no doubt there.  Yet, when I look in the mirror, I can't see any difference.  I notice a small change in the way my jeans fit, as they are looser in the thigh, but they aren't exactly falling off me.  My current pants are snug enough that I still have a pronounced muffin top.

My walking partner, who I see almost every day, except when it's too cold or raining, told me this morning that she thought I was slimming down as well.

I just can't see it with my own eyes.

I'll be interested to see how long it takes before people I know (who don't know I am dieting) see a difference.

I did get "caught" the other night, though.  When I had to go to a meeting where they were serving hamburgers, I didn't eat anything.  One of my friends from the group texted me after the meeting and asked if anything was wrong.

I was partially truthful.  I told her everything was fine (questionable honesty, since I was hungry and really wanted one of those burgers) and that I was overwhelmed with stuff that's going on at work (100% truth!) as they are adding more and more items to my to-do list.  

She seemed satisfied.

Six Years Gone By

Yesterday, I decided to resurrect my blog.  It's been about six years since I've regularly posted.

Last night, I went back and re-read the whole thing.  I guess I should re-start by posting some updates:

• The Kid turned 18, dropped out of school, and immediately returned to her biological family.
• My divorce with The Ex was finalized.
• I found a new boyfriend.  We met online in December of 2012, but didn't become an official couple until 2013.  Going forward, he will be referred to as "The Boyfriend" in the blog.
• The Kid, who is unmarried, has since had two kids.  One of them tested positive for drugs at birth and has been taken away by Child Welfare Services.  CWS contacted me about nine months ago and asked me if I wanted to take custody of the child.  I said no*.  
• I was reunited with an old and very dear friend.  He and I lost touch back in 2005.  Coincidentally, I found him just as his long-term girlfriend was kicking him out.  He's been bunking with The Boyfriend and me for about a year.  He's the reason I learned to play guitar.  I'll call him "Guitar Buddy" for now.

Some other things worth noting:

• Getting divorced wasn't so bad.  I discovered, after The Ex and The Kid were gone, that The Ex had an enormous spending problem.  Once our finances were separate, I suddenly had a lot more money.  Remember how I was always complaining we were broke?  A significant portion of that was because of The Ex's financial infidelity.
• I was able to refinance (and keep) the house that The Ex didn't want.
• I was able to pay off the vehicle loan, and credit card debt.
• Despite my profound fears about losing my job, I didn't.  I'm still working for the same company.  While the job is still super-demanding, I've pushed back somewhat, received a raise, and the demands on my time are less unreasonable.
• Dr. Howard's Success Diet is much tastier than the U.S. version of The Cambridge diet.  While some of the flavors aren't to my liking, I'm not finding their worst to be as gag-worthy as Cambridge strawberry.  Of course I'm only beginning Day 3 of sole source.  Ask me in a week what I think of the stuff.

* I said no to taking custody of The Kid's child because I am 53 years old, and I need to spend the next 20 years focusing on planning for my retirement, not raising a grandchild.  We (The Ex and I) struggled enormously with The Kid's social, intellectual, and behavioral challenges that stemmed from her biological mother's use of drugs and alcohol while she was pregnant.  I know I do not have the time, energy or strength for a second round of, especially since I never wanted to raise an infant.

Sometimes, when it comes to troubled adult children, you have to know when to step back and not get involved.  At the end of the day, I care about The Kid, and wish she was making better choices, but I also realize I am powerless to change what she is doing.  I'm not going to throw myself into the fire again.

In this case, the most loving thing I can do for myself, The Kid, and The Kid's Kid, is to allow someone else to take over.  I hope they have the time, money, energy, and desire to do the job right.

A Quick Status Update

So this morning my weight was 222.8 lbs.  I'm still tantalizingly close to my low weight, but I just can't seem to budge things.

I'm trying not to worry about it too much; I've got a lot of stressful things going on in my life at the moment.

It dawned on me a couple of days ago that I have less than a year to master a set of job skills that took the STBX probably 25 years to get to the level she's at.  I'm feeling overwhelmed, because I know that's not possible.  I'm trying to pick off the most important things and the low-hanging fruit, and I keep telling myself that her skill set only amounts to about 10-20% of the total workload for my main client.

I'll be okay.  I really will.

I keep telling myself that.

But boy, is it tough to believe it during my low points.

I did get a small spot of good news, though.  I just found out that the contract for my main client has been extended for another year.  It's a huge relief knowing that I won't have to be going through a divorce and worrying about finding a new job or client around the same time.

It's all good.