Sunday, October 14, 2012

It's the Little Things that Really Hurt

Although the STBX and I do fight, and sometimes quite a lot, I find that it's not the big blow-ups that really hurt.  Now I'll be the first one to say that I don't like living in a situation where screaming arguments bubble up like a volcano in the middle of our living room.  However, it's not the really huge fights that seem to really hurt.

Big fights tend to clear the air.  Pooled resentments are vented and issues are addressed head-on.  I don't like the fight, but sometimes I feel better afterward.

What hurts more than a fight are the tiny, ego-crushing moments that happen on a daily basis.  These are the things that sting.  These are the things that do more damage to my psyche and to the relationship than anything else.

Today's ego-crushing moment:

In addition to my day job, I am also a writer.  One of the few things left that is still good with The STBX is my writing.  When I finish a piece, I'll share it, and The STBX will give me feedback.  Even when we are fighting, even when we are hurt, this is still one thing that has always been good.

Until this morning.

This morning, I asked The STBX if she wanted to hear my latest.  She said yes, so I began to read.  I got to a part in my manuscript that I thought was very funny, and she didn't laugh.  It surprised me, because we tend to share the same sense of humor.

I stopped reading, mid-sentence, and waited.

After what seemed like the longest time, The STBX said, "Mmm-hmm."

I pulled my eyes away from my screen and I looked over at her.  What did I see?

She was reading a magazine, and hadn't been listening to anything I'd read.


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