This morning I had to cancel my guitar lesson because I've got a case of the tummy rumbles and I don't want to be more than about 25 feet from the bathroom.
The good news is that I don't feel bad. The bad news is that I know very well not to leave the house right now, or I might end up with an incredible ass explosion that would definitely ruin my day.
What's worse is that these atomic butt blasts are starting to take on the colors of the shakes I've been consuming. The other day, after I'd had several strawberry shakes in a row, I noticed that my bowel movements were taking on a decidedly pinkish cast. At first, I even panicked a little thinking that I was bleeding from "down there."
I felt a lot better when I realized that the pinkish skid marks on my toilet paper were probably nothing more than FD&C Red #40 mixed with poo.
Such a comforting thing to know.
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