DVRs are the greatest invention since sliced bread. Well, maybe not. I think there have been several pretty cool inventions since then, like the toaster, the food processor, and my favorite car of all time, the first-generation Scion xB.
But for the moment, my DVR rules the world as the best invention of all time, because it allows me to watch television programs when I wish, and it allows me to fast-forward through the commercials*. Woo! No commercials means I can zoom through a 1-hour program in 45 minutes. What a time saver.
One of the programs I watch regularly on my DVR is Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. I watch it, partially because it gives me a lot of motivation to stick to my diet, and partially because I have a sick fascination watching people who are at least twice my weight. Although the whole thing makes me a little ill, the more I watch, the more I see the people on the show with a great deal of sympathy.
For those not acquainted with the series, it's a show based on the lives of patients housed in a New York obesity clinic. It shows their successes and dismal failures, and gives a pretty clear picture of what life in an obesity hospital is like. The most recent show covered a 410-pound woman who decided to go to Brookhaven when she could no longer use the bathroom by herself, and a 700-pound man from Illinois who was transported to Brookhaven because he'd spent the last nine years in a nursing home because he was so large.
The show was pretty sobering. They filmed a nurse helping the woman clean herself while she lay on her back hoisting her enormous stomach out of the way. The man was so heavy he couldn't even get out of bed. By the end of the show, he'd lost more than 50 pounds and was walking, but during the final credits, there was a short announcement saying that the episode was dedicated to him because he had died shortly after filming.
It's a pretty scary thought -- the guy lived for nine years, completely bedridden, and then died after starting to lose weight and get back on his feet. It's both incredibly sad and scary. It reminds me of my own mortality.
Could I croak from my own diet?
If that news wasn't sobering enough, yesterday's post from Tales from the Scales was equally frightening. Beth reported that "a post menopausal woman doubles her risk for breast cancer if she gained as little as 20 pounds before menopause."
Okay, so if I don't drop dead from my diet, or get breast cancer because I've been overweight, maybe I'll have a chance at a good life.
Scary.
---
* Well I fast-forward through all of them, except for those awful Geico Caveman advertisements. I can't help myself -- I just have to find out what they will say and do next. It's too bad ABC has decided to make a television series out of these attention-getting advertisements, because they aren't using the original commercial's actors, and after watching the preview clip, I'm sure it will be a horrendous flop.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...
Since I know I have readers of varying backgrounds, and I try not to be deliberately offensive, I figure if I'm going to talk about something that's borderline in the tastefulness department, it's only fair I give warning to people who might find a post objectionable.
Consider yourself so warned.
This is something that I've been thinking about for a while, but haven't really articulated it to anyone because, well, it's just not the thing you talk about in polite company.
I know a lot of dieters complain that they can't see their feet. Well, I can't see my feet either if I stand straight up and look straight down. My stomach blocks the view better than my kid standing in front of the evening news, so I can only examine my feet if I sit down, and hoist one up into my lap.
So here's how my regular examinations go: First, I sit down. Hup! Foot is in my lap. One, two, three, four, five. Yup, all my toes are there. I should probably clip my right toenail because it's a little long, but otherwise everything is okay. Now, check the other side. Hup! One, two, three, three and a half (oops, toe jam, flick) four, five. Check. Everything is normal there. Sniff. No smell. Good. Now that I've had a happy visit with my ten toes, I don't have to worry about them for a while. Everybody is clean, happy and wiggly.
Great.
So I can pretty much examine all parts of my body. I can look down and see my front, I can stand in the mirror and see my back (frightening though my butt may be) and of course I can see my face, my hair and my hands. That's all good. I can see everything, except for one thing.
What part is that you ask?
Well, it's that place below my...
Bonk!
I just paused in my blog entry to look down to see my next door neighbor's cat, Oscar the Orange, rubbing himself on my ankles. Apparently he's managed to sneak into our house again. "Meow," he says amicably to everyone.
I have to kick him out because my SO is allergic. "Bad puddy!" I scold him as I gently toss him out the back door.
Okay, now where was I?
Oh yeah. Body parts. The ones I can't see.
Well I'm sure by Oscar's appearance, you can figure out what body part I'm talking about.
"Meow!" Oscar is offended and scratching at the door.
So my fat rant for the day is this: I am getting really tired of having to lift my big fat stomach out of the way to pay a visit to my undercarriage. What's weird is that my stomach never seemed to be in my way, and then all of a sudden, there it was. When I stand in front of a mirror with nothing but my underpants on, my stomach obscures the entire view. Unless I look beforehand, or turn around and aim my bum to the mirror, I'd never be able to guess what color underwear I am wearing.
I'm tired of having to hoist my gut up out of the way to wash, and I'm tired of the skin irritation caused by the bottom of my stomach rubbing on the top of my...
"Fur!" my SO just exclaimed. I guess Oscar left his calling card. "Achoo!"
I wonder how much weight I'll have to lose before this annoying problem goes away.
"Meow!"
No, not you, Oscar...
Consider yourself so warned.
This is something that I've been thinking about for a while, but haven't really articulated it to anyone because, well, it's just not the thing you talk about in polite company.
I know a lot of dieters complain that they can't see their feet. Well, I can't see my feet either if I stand straight up and look straight down. My stomach blocks the view better than my kid standing in front of the evening news, so I can only examine my feet if I sit down, and hoist one up into my lap.
So here's how my regular examinations go: First, I sit down. Hup! Foot is in my lap. One, two, three, four, five. Yup, all my toes are there. I should probably clip my right toenail because it's a little long, but otherwise everything is okay. Now, check the other side. Hup! One, two, three, three and a half (oops, toe jam, flick) four, five. Check. Everything is normal there. Sniff. No smell. Good. Now that I've had a happy visit with my ten toes, I don't have to worry about them for a while. Everybody is clean, happy and wiggly.
Great.
So I can pretty much examine all parts of my body. I can look down and see my front, I can stand in the mirror and see my back (frightening though my butt may be) and of course I can see my face, my hair and my hands. That's all good. I can see everything, except for one thing.
What part is that you ask?
Well, it's that place below my...
Bonk!
I just paused in my blog entry to look down to see my next door neighbor's cat, Oscar the Orange, rubbing himself on my ankles. Apparently he's managed to sneak into our house again. "Meow," he says amicably to everyone.
I have to kick him out because my SO is allergic. "Bad puddy!" I scold him as I gently toss him out the back door.
Okay, now where was I?
Oh yeah. Body parts. The ones I can't see.
Well I'm sure by Oscar's appearance, you can figure out what body part I'm talking about.
"Meow!" Oscar is offended and scratching at the door.
So my fat rant for the day is this: I am getting really tired of having to lift my big fat stomach out of the way to pay a visit to my undercarriage. What's weird is that my stomach never seemed to be in my way, and then all of a sudden, there it was. When I stand in front of a mirror with nothing but my underpants on, my stomach obscures the entire view. Unless I look beforehand, or turn around and aim my bum to the mirror, I'd never be able to guess what color underwear I am wearing.
I'm tired of having to hoist my gut up out of the way to wash, and I'm tired of the skin irritation caused by the bottom of my stomach rubbing on the top of my...
"Fur!" my SO just exclaimed. I guess Oscar left his calling card. "Achoo!"
I wonder how much weight I'll have to lose before this annoying problem goes away.
"Meow!"
No, not you, Oscar...
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
No Swimming After All
Warning: Gross post about female bodily functions ahead.
Well, the best of intentions got waylaid.
Swimming didn't get canceled because we chickened out. It didn't get canceled because we decided we were too fat to go. It was canceled because of The Kid. We were all ready to head out the door in our swimsuits, with our towels in hand when The Kid says, "but what do I do about my period?"
Crap.
Her period started last week, so I thought she was done with it already. Had I known she was still in the middle of things, so to speak, I wouldn't have suggested swimming in the first place. She's been getting her period for about a year now, so I figured now was the time for her to learn menstrual lesson #2: how to use a tampon. Off to the bathroom I went, where I dug in the cabinet for supplies. I pulled out a box of Tampax, removed one from the box, and unwrapped it. I showed her (using my left hand to form a pseudo vagina) how to insert it, and where the string should end up. After that demonstration, we got online and I showed her pictures of a woman's vulva to explain exactly where the "right" hole is located. After that, we went to the Tampax Web site, and viewed the handy dandy Tampax instructions and video.
Sadly, The Kid couldn't figure out how to insert the tampon, which in turn canceled our swim plans.
I'm trying to be sympathetic, because I do remember how hard inserting a tampon was the first time. I had to figure it out on my own, because my mother never used them, and I wanted to go swimming with friends. It was do or die, and I sat on the toilet cursing while I poked around at my unmentionable bits trying to shove that funny little tube literally where the sun don't shine. Eventually, I figured it out, and went happily to the swimming pool, after half a box of aborted attempts ended up in the trash can.
I am trying to be sympathetic, but frankly I'm a little annoyed. The Kid has been a huge baby about her period from the very start. She's somehow got it in her mind that she's not going to grow up, and if she wishes hard enough, the whole thing will go away.
"Just stuff it in there and let's go," I wanted to tell her. Instead, I pretended to be sympathetic and supportive.
No swimming tonight.
Well, the best of intentions got waylaid.
Swimming didn't get canceled because we chickened out. It didn't get canceled because we decided we were too fat to go. It was canceled because of The Kid. We were all ready to head out the door in our swimsuits, with our towels in hand when The Kid says, "but what do I do about my period?"
Crap.
Her period started last week, so I thought she was done with it already. Had I known she was still in the middle of things, so to speak, I wouldn't have suggested swimming in the first place. She's been getting her period for about a year now, so I figured now was the time for her to learn menstrual lesson #2: how to use a tampon. Off to the bathroom I went, where I dug in the cabinet for supplies. I pulled out a box of Tampax, removed one from the box, and unwrapped it. I showed her (using my left hand to form a pseudo vagina) how to insert it, and where the string should end up. After that demonstration, we got online and I showed her pictures of a woman's vulva to explain exactly where the "right" hole is located. After that, we went to the Tampax Web site, and viewed the handy dandy Tampax instructions and video.
Sadly, The Kid couldn't figure out how to insert the tampon, which in turn canceled our swim plans.
I'm trying to be sympathetic, because I do remember how hard inserting a tampon was the first time. I had to figure it out on my own, because my mother never used them, and I wanted to go swimming with friends. It was do or die, and I sat on the toilet cursing while I poked around at my unmentionable bits trying to shove that funny little tube literally where the sun don't shine. Eventually, I figured it out, and went happily to the swimming pool, after half a box of aborted attempts ended up in the trash can.
I am trying to be sympathetic, but frankly I'm a little annoyed. The Kid has been a huge baby about her period from the very start. She's somehow got it in her mind that she's not going to grow up, and if she wishes hard enough, the whole thing will go away.
"Just stuff it in there and let's go," I wanted to tell her. Instead, I pretended to be sympathetic and supportive.
No swimming tonight.
Taking the Plunge (Literally)
I use a well-known checkbook management program that can download credit card transactions from the web. This morning, as I was reviewing the transactions, I noticed the charge for the two bathing suits I bought this weekend.
Even with discounts, I spent a whopping $148.86 on swim wear. I was appalled when I walked out of the store. Now I'm even more appalled. It's one thing to walk out of the store with a huge receipt, because you can just stuff it in your pocket and forget about it. It's another thing entirely to see the transaction sitting in your credit card register in the harsh light of day.
What are those suits made of, anyway?
Gold? No.
Platinum? No.
Silk made from hand-raised silkworms? No.
I checked the label. They are made from your everyday, garden-variety nylon and spandex.
Geeze.
So now that the overpriced shmatas are sitting on the dresser, we'd darn well better use them.
There's only one teeny-tiny problem with that: Using the swimsuits means we have to put them on, drive over to the municipal pool, and swim, in public in front of G-d and everybody.
Did anybody hear the sound of my hysterical screaming echoing across the blogosphere?
I know that G-d isn't going to care one way or another. If G-d has eyes, She/He/It has already seen me naked (which is a far more terrible experience than viewing me in a swimsuit) so that's not the problem. The problem is everybody else who will be looking at me.
When I was thinner, I'd look at people when I was out in public and make comments to myself about what I saw. When I'd see people who were really overweight, I'd think some pretty scathing things about them as they walked by. The fatter they were, the worse I'd think about them. People with the dreaded stomach butt [warning: ugly picture!] got the worst.
So now the tables are turned, and I'm the jello-butt that's going to be walking across the pool deck. I'm just glad I won't be able to hear what people are thinking. If I'm lucky, I won't be the fattest person there. Then at least I'll be able to say to myself, "Yeah, I'm fat, but the lady in the striped bathing suit over there is way fatter than I am!"
Ugh, what a lousy comparison.
When I see people larger than I am, I go through a list of emotions: fear, disgust, pity, and relief. I feel fear because I'm afraid that if I don't do something, I'll end up looking like them. I feel disgust because no matter how often fat advocates try to argue otherwise, fat just isn't attractive. I feel pity because I know what it's like to be fat, and it's not fun. I feel relieved that I am not as fat as some other people, and think, "There but for the grace of G-d go I."
So I'll get in the the pool this evening, suck it up, and pretend nobody can see me.
Even with discounts, I spent a whopping $148.86 on swim wear. I was appalled when I walked out of the store. Now I'm even more appalled. It's one thing to walk out of the store with a huge receipt, because you can just stuff it in your pocket and forget about it. It's another thing entirely to see the transaction sitting in your credit card register in the harsh light of day.
What are those suits made of, anyway?
Gold? No.
Platinum? No.
Silk made from hand-raised silkworms? No.
I checked the label. They are made from your everyday, garden-variety nylon and spandex.
Geeze.
So now that the overpriced shmatas are sitting on the dresser, we'd darn well better use them.
There's only one teeny-tiny problem with that: Using the swimsuits means we have to put them on, drive over to the municipal pool, and swim, in public in front of G-d and everybody.
Did anybody hear the sound of my hysterical screaming echoing across the blogosphere?
I know that G-d isn't going to care one way or another. If G-d has eyes, She/He/It has already seen me naked (which is a far more terrible experience than viewing me in a swimsuit) so that's not the problem. The problem is everybody else who will be looking at me.
When I was thinner, I'd look at people when I was out in public and make comments to myself about what I saw. When I'd see people who were really overweight, I'd think some pretty scathing things about them as they walked by. The fatter they were, the worse I'd think about them. People with the dreaded stomach butt [warning: ugly picture!] got the worst.
So now the tables are turned, and I'm the jello-butt that's going to be walking across the pool deck. I'm just glad I won't be able to hear what people are thinking. If I'm lucky, I won't be the fattest person there. Then at least I'll be able to say to myself, "Yeah, I'm fat, but the lady in the striped bathing suit over there is way fatter than I am!"
Ugh, what a lousy comparison.
When I see people larger than I am, I go through a list of emotions: fear, disgust, pity, and relief. I feel fear because I'm afraid that if I don't do something, I'll end up looking like them. I feel disgust because no matter how often fat advocates try to argue otherwise, fat just isn't attractive. I feel pity because I know what it's like to be fat, and it's not fun. I feel relieved that I am not as fat as some other people, and think, "There but for the grace of G-d go I."
So I'll get in the the pool this evening, suck it up, and pretend nobody can see me.
Debating Medically Supervised Weight Loss
Although I'm pleased with my current weight loss progress as far as it goes, I have to admit to giving some thought to joining a medically-supervised weight loss program for at least a little while to jump start my progress. I've been doing pretty well, but I wonder if I might feel better about my overall progress if I went on one of the supervised VLCD (very low calorie diet) programs for a while.
Although I should be happy with what I've lost, I'm still feeling a bit discouraged. I wonder if dropping a big chunk quickly (say maybe 30% of what I need to lose) would boost my motivation. At the rate things are going, it will be more than a year before I'm at my goal weight and that's just pretty darn discouraging to think about. If I joined a medically-supervised VLCD, I could drop 30-40 pounds in a relatively short amount of time, and then the total time to my goal would be a lot less.
Of course I recognize that there are a lot of disadvantages to that approach. First off, VLCDs, even the protein-sparing diets, have the big disadvantage of lowering your metabolism after a period of time. When you go back to eating regular food, it's very easy to put the weight back on. The biggest disadvantage, though, is the cost. I talked to the folks at the weight loss center at our local health clinic, and they tell me that their basic food program costs $87/week. That's their basic program -- the lady said she'd have to call me back with information for their VLCD program because they only administer that program totheir heaviest patients the fattest of the fat.
$377/month is a lot of coin to spend on special diet food for one person, especially when you still have to buy your own fresh fruit and vegetables along with it. I've already blogged about the high cost of dieting, and the more I research it, the more I realize there's no inexpensive way to do it.
I realize that a medically-supervised VLCD isn't going to be a quick fix. I'm still going to have to stick to a diet and (blah) exercise program over the long term. I just wonder if getting a quick boost might be a way to improve my attitude towards the entire process.
A lot will depend on what they say about costs. The idea of drinking meal replacement shakes for weeks or months on end sounds pretty unappealing, but maybe the results might be worth it. We'll see what they have to say, I guess.
Although I should be happy with what I've lost, I'm still feeling a bit discouraged. I wonder if dropping a big chunk quickly (say maybe 30% of what I need to lose) would boost my motivation. At the rate things are going, it will be more than a year before I'm at my goal weight and that's just pretty darn discouraging to think about. If I joined a medically-supervised VLCD, I could drop 30-40 pounds in a relatively short amount of time, and then the total time to my goal would be a lot less.
Of course I recognize that there are a lot of disadvantages to that approach. First off, VLCDs, even the protein-sparing diets, have the big disadvantage of lowering your metabolism after a period of time. When you go back to eating regular food, it's very easy to put the weight back on. The biggest disadvantage, though, is the cost. I talked to the folks at the weight loss center at our local health clinic, and they tell me that their basic food program costs $87/week. That's their basic program -- the lady said she'd have to call me back with information for their VLCD program because they only administer that program to
$377/month is a lot of coin to spend on special diet food for one person, especially when you still have to buy your own fresh fruit and vegetables along with it. I've already blogged about the high cost of dieting, and the more I research it, the more I realize there's no inexpensive way to do it.
I realize that a medically-supervised VLCD isn't going to be a quick fix. I'm still going to have to stick to a diet and (blah) exercise program over the long term. I just wonder if getting a quick boost might be a way to improve my attitude towards the entire process.
A lot will depend on what they say about costs. The idea of drinking meal replacement shakes for weeks or months on end sounds pretty unappealing, but maybe the results might be worth it. We'll see what they have to say, I guess.
May Day Weight Loss Challenge Weigh-In #2
Well today marks week two of the May Day Weight Loss Challenge. I'm happy to report that my weight this morning was 245.6, down 0.8 lbs since last week. I've lost a total of 11.4 lbs since I started my diet, and 4.2 lbs since I started the challenge.
While my 0.8 lb loss is not a stunning drop, it's progress in the right direction, especially since I attended several parties during the week, including a Hawaiian luau where I consumed (gasp) two Mai Tais.
Boy, they were good, too! I didn't regret a sip, though I noticed the bartender was extra-generous with the rum. Wee!
Uh oh. Now I feel the disapproving stares from all the non-drinkers out there in the blogosphere. Sorry if I offended anyone. Heh*.
The nicest part of the luau was that my family members who were there didn't know I'm on a diet. Therefore, I didn't get the usual disapproving looks when I decided to indulge myself. My mother decided to join me in the Mai Tais, and we ended up doing a fair amount of giggling together. Had she known I am on a diet, I expect she would have been asking me, "Should you be drinking this?"
(My answer would have been, "No, but I'm going to anyway.")
Overall, I'm pleased with my progress, and I've definitely managed to ditch the lousy mood I was in yesterday.
I'm still waiting for, but haven't noticed, changes in my body, the way I feel or the way my clothes fit. Everything still feels more or less the same. The only thing I have noticed is that my bed seems more comfortable than before. I used to wake up every morning with a dreadfully sore back, and I had to get out of bed quickly because I hurt so much. Sleeping in on a Saturday morning was definitely not an option. My bed has mysteriously become more comfortable, and I see that as both a good and a bad thing. The good thing is that I won't be tempted to spend money I don't have on a new mattress, but the bad thing is that it makes it harder to be motivated to get out of bed during the week. Let's face it, I'm an inherently lazy person, and a comfy bed gives me one more excuse not to do what I'm supposed to be doing.
---
* Truth be told, I'm not a very big drinker. I'll be the first one to admit that I love my adult beverages, but I don't consume them very often because of the expense and empty calories. It's a good thing that alcohol is expensive, because if it weren't, I'd be even chubbier and I'd look even more like Homer Simpson than I already do. "Mmmmmm, beer," is pretty much how I feel about the stuff, too.
While my 0.8 lb loss is not a stunning drop, it's progress in the right direction, especially since I attended several parties during the week, including a Hawaiian luau where I consumed (gasp) two Mai Tais.
Boy, they were good, too! I didn't regret a sip, though I noticed the bartender was extra-generous with the rum. Wee!
Uh oh. Now I feel the disapproving stares from all the non-drinkers out there in the blogosphere. Sorry if I offended anyone. Heh*.
The nicest part of the luau was that my family members who were there didn't know I'm on a diet. Therefore, I didn't get the usual disapproving looks when I decided to indulge myself. My mother decided to join me in the Mai Tais, and we ended up doing a fair amount of giggling together. Had she known I am on a diet, I expect she would have been asking me, "Should you be drinking this?"
(My answer would have been, "No, but I'm going to anyway.")
Overall, I'm pleased with my progress, and I've definitely managed to ditch the lousy mood I was in yesterday.
I'm still waiting for, but haven't noticed, changes in my body, the way I feel or the way my clothes fit. Everything still feels more or less the same. The only thing I have noticed is that my bed seems more comfortable than before. I used to wake up every morning with a dreadfully sore back, and I had to get out of bed quickly because I hurt so much. Sleeping in on a Saturday morning was definitely not an option. My bed has mysteriously become more comfortable, and I see that as both a good and a bad thing. The good thing is that I won't be tempted to spend money I don't have on a new mattress, but the bad thing is that it makes it harder to be motivated to get out of bed during the week. Let's face it, I'm an inherently lazy person, and a comfy bed gives me one more excuse not to do what I'm supposed to be doing.
---
* Truth be told, I'm not a very big drinker. I'll be the first one to admit that I love my adult beverages, but I don't consume them very often because of the expense and empty calories. It's a good thing that alcohol is expensive, because if it weren't, I'd be even chubbier and I'd look even more like Homer Simpson than I already do. "Mmmmmm, beer," is pretty much how I feel about the stuff, too.
Monday, May 21, 2007
The Hardest Thing About Weight Loss
I know a lot of dieters complain that the hardest thing about losing weight is sticking to a food plan and staying motivated with their exercise plan. Most people have a lot of trouble with uncontrollable cravings which for the most part don't trouble me.
Now I'll admit I hate to exercise, so that part is somewhat hard for me. Even when I was in good shape and able to swim and run several times a week, I just wasn't into it. I hated every minute I was exercising, and that hasn't changed the heavier I've become. But truly, that's not the hardest part of weight loss.
The hardest part for me is just all the waiting around you have to do.
It's easy to count calories. It's pretty easy to be more active (even if I hate it), but once I've eaten what I'm supposed to eat, and exercised like I'm supposed to, there's nothing else I can do but sit around and wait. There's nothing I can do to rush the process more than I'm already doing, so the rest of the time I just have to try and find something else to do. Sure, I can surf the blogosphere, write in my own blog about how I'm feeling, or pretend to work, but really that's just a time-killing effort to distract myself from the fact that I'm waiting to lose weight.
It's kind of boring, really.
Yeah, I suppose there's something to be said about going off and just living the rest of my life, but in a way it feels like it's on hold. Losing weight has moved to the top of my priority queue, and I don't care as much about other aspects of my life. Add to that the fact that there are a lot of activities that I might enjoy that I'm just too heavy to do right now. I used to love horseback riding, but there's no way I can do it now. I doubt I could get on the horse, and even if I did manage to climb aboard, I'd probably break the poor beast's back.
Even though I despise exercising, I also realize that some of the fat has to come off before I can do much in that department. At this point, running would probably give me a heart attack or an irreparable knee injury. I think it's a bad idea to pound my femur into the top of my tibia while trying to jog down the street. Besides, even if I didn't die (literally or figuratively) doing it, I would probably frighten all the small children or be chased by neighborhood dogs. What is that hideous monster rolling down the street? Is an ostrich, is it an elephant? No, it's just Oinkstop pounding holes in the sidewalk, while trying to get in shape.
Right now, my exercise regimen is pretty much limited to walking or stair climbing at a nearby office building. I could go swimming if I could just get up the courage to go to the municipal pool in my new bathing suit. I just don't know if I can stomach that, though. Although the suit fits, I look pretty bad in it.
When I was kid, my mother would take me grocery shopping. Every once in a while, she'd spot someone who was 100+ pounds overweight. "Oh gross," she would whisper to me, "that woman is so obese!" She'd hiss out the words like they were something vulgar and despicable.
I didn't realize it until I looked at my bathing suit pictures yesterday. I have become one of the people my mother used to insult under her breath.
Now I'll admit I hate to exercise, so that part is somewhat hard for me. Even when I was in good shape and able to swim and run several times a week, I just wasn't into it. I hated every minute I was exercising, and that hasn't changed the heavier I've become. But truly, that's not the hardest part of weight loss.
The hardest part for me is just all the waiting around you have to do.
It's easy to count calories. It's pretty easy to be more active (even if I hate it), but once I've eaten what I'm supposed to eat, and exercised like I'm supposed to, there's nothing else I can do but sit around and wait. There's nothing I can do to rush the process more than I'm already doing, so the rest of the time I just have to try and find something else to do. Sure, I can surf the blogosphere, write in my own blog about how I'm feeling, or pretend to work, but really that's just a time-killing effort to distract myself from the fact that I'm waiting to lose weight.
It's kind of boring, really.
Yeah, I suppose there's something to be said about going off and just living the rest of my life, but in a way it feels like it's on hold. Losing weight has moved to the top of my priority queue, and I don't care as much about other aspects of my life. Add to that the fact that there are a lot of activities that I might enjoy that I'm just too heavy to do right now. I used to love horseback riding, but there's no way I can do it now. I doubt I could get on the horse, and even if I did manage to climb aboard, I'd probably break the poor beast's back.
Even though I despise exercising, I also realize that some of the fat has to come off before I can do much in that department. At this point, running would probably give me a heart attack or an irreparable knee injury. I think it's a bad idea to pound my femur into the top of my tibia while trying to jog down the street. Besides, even if I didn't die (literally or figuratively) doing it, I would probably frighten all the small children or be chased by neighborhood dogs. What is that hideous monster rolling down the street? Is an ostrich, is it an elephant? No, it's just Oinkstop pounding holes in the sidewalk, while trying to get in shape.
Right now, my exercise regimen is pretty much limited to walking or stair climbing at a nearby office building. I could go swimming if I could just get up the courage to go to the municipal pool in my new bathing suit. I just don't know if I can stomach that, though. Although the suit fits, I look pretty bad in it.
When I was kid, my mother would take me grocery shopping. Every once in a while, she'd spot someone who was 100+ pounds overweight. "Oh gross," she would whisper to me, "that woman is so obese!" She'd hiss out the words like they were something vulgar and despicable.
I didn't realize it until I looked at my bathing suit pictures yesterday. I have become one of the people my mother used to insult under her breath.
Dieting Destroys Sex Drive
My mood is much better after reading the following story I found on an UK site:
I guess this falls into the damned if you do, damned if you don't category. On the other hand, there was one tid-bit mentioned in the UK article that makes me feel a lot better. Apparently, every British woman is believed to diet for 31 years on average.
At least I haven't been at it that long.
Dieting can lower a woman's sex drive and wreak havoc on relationships, according to a new survey.I just about laughed out loud when I read this news. The irony is not lost on me, because I always thought losing weight was supposed to improve your sex life.
The study found that half (49%) of females experienced a decreased libido after going on a diet.
Watching your calories can also put additional stress on a relationship as just under half (48 %) of women surveyed admitted to lying to their partner about their weight.
I guess this falls into the damned if you do, damned if you don't category. On the other hand, there was one tid-bit mentioned in the UK article that makes me feel a lot better. Apparently, every British woman is believed to diet for 31 years on average.
At least I haven't been at it that long.
Ebb Tide
This morning, I'm feeling like I'm at an emotional ebb tide. Although the news on the scale this morning was good, I'm worn out. I didn't sleep well last night, and I found out this morning that we have unexpected, unavoidable and really big bill coming our way. I expect we are going to need to come up with a payment that is equal to, or slightly greater than, our mortgage payment on very short notice. This is really going to mess up our finances.
Yeah, I know everyone should have three to six months set aside as emergency savings, but we just don't have it. Housing in our area costs so much that it's not funny. Add to that health insurance premiums that equal about 2/3 of our mortgage payment every month, and it's pretty much guaranteed that we run out of money long before we run out of month. We are on a financial diet as well as a calorie-restricted one, but there's some realities one just can't avoid.
I feel like I'm caught in some crazy middle-class kind of poverty. We make decent money, but by the time we cover our mortgage, insurance and utility bills, there's not much left over for anything else. Of course we are lucky in that we don't have a lot of debt. We owe on our mortgage, of course, and we have one car that's not paid off, but we have no other outstanding bills, and most importantly, no credit card debt.
I look around at my neighbors, though, and I wonder how they do it. They buy new cars every several years (we bought our first new car in 17 years last summer), they remodel their homes and their yards, they wear fancy clothes, and their kids are in expensive extracurricular activities that I only dream of affording. I wonder if they are just up to their eyeballs in debt, or if they are just making a lot more money than we are. One family just added a second story to their home, for a total of $100,000 in remodeling costs. Unbelievable.
Looks like we'll probably have to put this monster bill on one of our credit cards and tighten our belts to make sure it gets paid off quickly. My guess is we'll have to cancel our summer vacation plans.
Losing vacation yet another summer in a row isn't a huge surprise. Although I'm disappointed, I'm not that disappointed. I haven't been able to take a vacation in 10 years because I've found myself stuck every year between one of two problems: either I have time off but no money, or I have money but no time off. This year the problem is a combination of two problems -- I only have a week off, but the money I planned to spend on vacation (and then some) has suddenly evaporated.
Don't worry, we'll get through it. We always do.
At least this isn't as bad as some of the financial crises we've been through in years past. Ten years ago I was in far worse shape than we are now. Ten years ago I was technically homeless, living in substandard housing because I lost my home to foreclosure. This is a very small crisis compared to that.
I do wonder, though, how much of my weight problem can be attributed to years of living in that middle class poverty zone. For many years, I made what seemed like a relatively good salary, but after all the mandatory bills were paid there wasn't much left over for food or gasoline. I cut corners, I skimped, and I ate a lot of macaroni and cheese and ramen noodle soup. I didn't shop for clothes, shoes, or anything. If I desperately needed something, I'd buy it at a thrift store. My underwear was all full of holes. I can remember remarking to someone that I was getting fat on food I didn't even like, and I understood why so many poor people were obese.
Things are better now that our household consists of two wage earners and only one child, but I look around and it seems like a lot of people are doing much better than us. I wonder if they are actually doing better than we, or if they are just up past their eyeballs in debt.
My emotional ebb tide wasn't caused just by the money issue. Last night, I decided it would be a good idea to take pictures of me in my new bathing suit so that I would have them to compare to my later "after" pictures. When I look in the mirror, I can see that I'm fat, but the photos make me seem so much larger. When I look at myself in the mirror, there's no question that I need to lose quite a few pounds. When I look at the photos, I feel a little grossed-out.
That's me? I think when I look at the pictures. How could that be?
I haven't decided whether or not I'll post those pictures online. I'm embarrassed and disgusted. I don't even recognize myself.
Yeah, I know everyone should have three to six months set aside as emergency savings, but we just don't have it. Housing in our area costs so much that it's not funny. Add to that health insurance premiums that equal about 2/3 of our mortgage payment every month, and it's pretty much guaranteed that we run out of money long before we run out of month. We are on a financial diet as well as a calorie-restricted one, but there's some realities one just can't avoid.
I feel like I'm caught in some crazy middle-class kind of poverty. We make decent money, but by the time we cover our mortgage, insurance and utility bills, there's not much left over for anything else. Of course we are lucky in that we don't have a lot of debt. We owe on our mortgage, of course, and we have one car that's not paid off, but we have no other outstanding bills, and most importantly, no credit card debt.
I look around at my neighbors, though, and I wonder how they do it. They buy new cars every several years (we bought our first new car in 17 years last summer), they remodel their homes and their yards, they wear fancy clothes, and their kids are in expensive extracurricular activities that I only dream of affording. I wonder if they are just up to their eyeballs in debt, or if they are just making a lot more money than we are. One family just added a second story to their home, for a total of $100,000 in remodeling costs. Unbelievable.
Looks like we'll probably have to put this monster bill on one of our credit cards and tighten our belts to make sure it gets paid off quickly. My guess is we'll have to cancel our summer vacation plans.
Losing vacation yet another summer in a row isn't a huge surprise. Although I'm disappointed, I'm not that disappointed. I haven't been able to take a vacation in 10 years because I've found myself stuck every year between one of two problems: either I have time off but no money, or I have money but no time off. This year the problem is a combination of two problems -- I only have a week off, but the money I planned to spend on vacation (and then some) has suddenly evaporated.
Don't worry, we'll get through it. We always do.
At least this isn't as bad as some of the financial crises we've been through in years past. Ten years ago I was in far worse shape than we are now. Ten years ago I was technically homeless, living in substandard housing because I lost my home to foreclosure. This is a very small crisis compared to that.
I do wonder, though, how much of my weight problem can be attributed to years of living in that middle class poverty zone. For many years, I made what seemed like a relatively good salary, but after all the mandatory bills were paid there wasn't much left over for food or gasoline. I cut corners, I skimped, and I ate a lot of macaroni and cheese and ramen noodle soup. I didn't shop for clothes, shoes, or anything. If I desperately needed something, I'd buy it at a thrift store. My underwear was all full of holes. I can remember remarking to someone that I was getting fat on food I didn't even like, and I understood why so many poor people were obese.
Things are better now that our household consists of two wage earners and only one child, but I look around and it seems like a lot of people are doing much better than us. I wonder if they are actually doing better than we, or if they are just up past their eyeballs in debt.
My emotional ebb tide wasn't caused just by the money issue. Last night, I decided it would be a good idea to take pictures of me in my new bathing suit so that I would have them to compare to my later "after" pictures. When I look in the mirror, I can see that I'm fat, but the photos make me seem so much larger. When I look at myself in the mirror, there's no question that I need to lose quite a few pounds. When I look at the photos, I feel a little grossed-out.
That's me? I think when I look at the pictures. How could that be?
I haven't decided whether or not I'll post those pictures online. I'm embarrassed and disgusted. I don't even recognize myself.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Swimsuit Shopping
Just the title of this post probably raises most readers' blood pressure by one or two posts. In my experience there is nothing worse than shopping for a bathing suit if you are overweight obese.
This morning, though, everyone in the house decided we had to buy bathing suits. Our kid likes to swim, and she already has one. However, the two adult lard balls chez nous have no such attire. The kid has been complaining, "you never take me to the pool!"
Her accusations are fair enough. After all, it's not a lot of fun to pay for our kid to swim for two hours while we sit on the rock hard benches watching her have fun while we breathe the over-chlorinated indoor air. We did it when one of our daughter's friends had her 10th birthday party, and it was a drag. We did it grudgingly in support of the birthday girl, who happens to be the daughter of a dear friend. We haven't been too eager to pay money to be bored ever since.
When we set off our our swimsuit shopping adventure, I expected to blog about the trials and tribulations of finding a swimsuit. I expected to blog about all the stores we visited, all the ugly suits we didn't buy, and the endless frustration in finding that the largest suits on the racks were still at least 10 sizes too small.
I mentioned to my stepmother (who is also large but shrinking) and she suggested we save ourselves some frustration and just drive up to a chain specialty shop that carries only large women's clothes. Since it's close to a specialty grocery store chain my stepmother loves, we brought her along for the ride.
With a minimum of fuss and hassle, we found swim suits that fit. I bought a suit that was a two-piece set where the tops and bottoms were sold separately. The bottoms looked like Lycra running shorts, and the top was kind of a shirt-looking thing with spaghetti straps. I'm glad the suits were sold as separates, because I had to buy the bottoms in a larger size than the top. I was lucky, the first set of bottoms I picked off the rack fit (they were the largest size) and I only had to try on two tops to get the right size.
I'm not thrilled with the suit, but the worst of my ugly bits are at least covered. I won't look any worse than the other whales we've sighted at the pool. When I jump in, I'll just become another one of the pod. My suit is mostly black with a blue stripe, so perhaps I could pretend I'm a blue whale or something. I just hope I don't confuse the lifeguards -- I wouldn't want them coming after me with a harpoon.
The only really bad part of the swimsuits were their price tags. We paid $70 each for the swimsuits, and that was after the 20% discount. Unbelievable. I have never spent so much money on swimming clothes in my life. When I saw the price tag, I thought about putting the suit back on the rack, but decided against it, only because the amount of whining my kid can exude is probably more than the hassle of paying so much for a pair of swimsuits.
Oh well, at least mine is really stretchy. Hopefully I won't shrink out of it too soon.
Note to self: Now I have yet another reason to lose weight. Stores charge an arm and a leg for plus-sized swim wear.
This morning, though, everyone in the house decided we had to buy bathing suits. Our kid likes to swim, and she already has one. However, the two adult lard balls chez nous have no such attire. The kid has been complaining, "you never take me to the pool!"
Her accusations are fair enough. After all, it's not a lot of fun to pay for our kid to swim for two hours while we sit on the rock hard benches watching her have fun while we breathe the over-chlorinated indoor air. We did it when one of our daughter's friends had her 10th birthday party, and it was a drag. We did it grudgingly in support of the birthday girl, who happens to be the daughter of a dear friend. We haven't been too eager to pay money to be bored ever since.
When we set off our our swimsuit shopping adventure, I expected to blog about the trials and tribulations of finding a swimsuit. I expected to blog about all the stores we visited, all the ugly suits we didn't buy, and the endless frustration in finding that the largest suits on the racks were still at least 10 sizes too small.
I mentioned to my stepmother (who is also large but shrinking) and she suggested we save ourselves some frustration and just drive up to a chain specialty shop that carries only large women's clothes. Since it's close to a specialty grocery store chain my stepmother loves, we brought her along for the ride.
With a minimum of fuss and hassle, we found swim suits that fit. I bought a suit that was a two-piece set where the tops and bottoms were sold separately. The bottoms looked like Lycra running shorts, and the top was kind of a shirt-looking thing with spaghetti straps. I'm glad the suits were sold as separates, because I had to buy the bottoms in a larger size than the top. I was lucky, the first set of bottoms I picked off the rack fit (they were the largest size) and I only had to try on two tops to get the right size.
I'm not thrilled with the suit, but the worst of my ugly bits are at least covered. I won't look any worse than the other whales we've sighted at the pool. When I jump in, I'll just become another one of the pod. My suit is mostly black with a blue stripe, so perhaps I could pretend I'm a blue whale or something. I just hope I don't confuse the lifeguards -- I wouldn't want them coming after me with a harpoon.
The only really bad part of the swimsuits were their price tags. We paid $70 each for the swimsuits, and that was after the 20% discount. Unbelievable. I have never spent so much money on swimming clothes in my life. When I saw the price tag, I thought about putting the suit back on the rack, but decided against it, only because the amount of whining my kid can exude is probably more than the hassle of paying so much for a pair of swimsuits.
Oh well, at least mine is really stretchy. Hopefully I won't shrink out of it too soon.
Note to self: Now I have yet another reason to lose weight. Stores charge an arm and a leg for plus-sized swim wear.
Q & A
Shannon has asked quite a few questions recently that I think deserve answering in the blog (as opposed to a private e-mail) since I'm sure others will ask the same questions. So here are her questions, asked and answered, for all to see:
Q: What kind of scale do you have? It sounds like that thing should be bringing you breakfast in bed!!
A: I'm using the Homedics Health Station 560. Using electrical impedence, the scale calculates your weight, amount of body water, lean muscle mass, bone mass and body fat. I use the National Institute of Health's Body Mass Index calculator to figure out my current BMI. The scale seems pretty accurate, and usually doesn't give fluctuating readings if you step on the scale 72 times in a row like most digital scales do. It has a maximum capacity of 350 lbs.
Q: Where did you get your caloric intake number?
A: Based on the research I've done, 1,200 calories is the lowest number of calories one can consume on an ongoing basis and still be safe. Given my past weight loss experiences, I know that unless I go to the low end of the calorie ranges, I won't lose an ounce and I'll just frustrate myself. I'm hoping to lose somewhere between 10-30 pounds relatively quickly, and then I may look at upping my calories a bit more, especially as I get into better shape. Right now, when my percentage of body fat is hovering near 50%, there's just not much lean muscle to burn calories.
Q: What kind/type of exercise(s) are you doing?
A: Right now I don't have an organized program. Some days I walk, some days I climb up and down stairs at a nearby office building, and some days I don't do a damn thing. Truth be told, I hate exercising. Yeah, I know it's good for me, yeah I know it will preserve my lean body mass, yeah, yeah, yeah. I still hate it. Even the two times when I was in the best shape of my life (sophomore year in high school when I was on the swim team and college when I was swimming several days a week and running several times a week) I still hated it. Every stroke I swam, and every step I ran, I literally counted the minutes until I was done. People always say, "don't you feel better when you exercise?" My answer has always been a resounding "no."
Q: What kind of scale do you have? It sounds like that thing should be bringing you breakfast in bed!!
A: I'm using the Homedics Health Station 560. Using electrical impedence, the scale calculates your weight, amount of body water, lean muscle mass, bone mass and body fat. I use the National Institute of Health's Body Mass Index calculator to figure out my current BMI. The scale seems pretty accurate, and usually doesn't give fluctuating readings if you step on the scale 72 times in a row like most digital scales do. It has a maximum capacity of 350 lbs.
Q: Where did you get your caloric intake number?
A: Based on the research I've done, 1,200 calories is the lowest number of calories one can consume on an ongoing basis and still be safe. Given my past weight loss experiences, I know that unless I go to the low end of the calorie ranges, I won't lose an ounce and I'll just frustrate myself. I'm hoping to lose somewhere between 10-30 pounds relatively quickly, and then I may look at upping my calories a bit more, especially as I get into better shape. Right now, when my percentage of body fat is hovering near 50%, there's just not much lean muscle to burn calories.
Q: What kind/type of exercise(s) are you doing?
A: Right now I don't have an organized program. Some days I walk, some days I climb up and down stairs at a nearby office building, and some days I don't do a damn thing. Truth be told, I hate exercising. Yeah, I know it's good for me, yeah I know it will preserve my lean body mass, yeah, yeah, yeah. I still hate it. Even the two times when I was in the best shape of my life (sophomore year in high school when I was on the swim team and college when I was swimming several days a week and running several times a week) I still hated it. Every stroke I swam, and every step I ran, I literally counted the minutes until I was done. People always say, "don't you feel better when you exercise?" My answer has always been a resounding "no."
No Weight Loss Groups for Me
As I mentioned as an aside in my post The High Cost of Losing Weight, I have somewhat of a reputation for not playing well with others. It's not that I don't try, it's just that by some quirk of nature I don't usually fit in with groups very well. I'm the square peg that just can't be pounded into a round hole, and as much as I might try to be like everyone else, people recognize me as being the zebra with no stripes.
Add that to the fact that I'm cynical, I laugh at my own jokes, and I'm ruthlessly honest, and I just don't fit in.
A few months ago, my partner and I had to attend some training classes that were taught in a group setting. I was the one that asked the tough questions, the questions that brought up unpopular or uncomfortable subjects. In a way, I became the class hero, because I was asking the questions everyone else was thinking but was too afraid to ask (several other students thanked me after class) but it made the teacher angry because I was thoroughly trashing his pre-defined world view about certain subjects.
Like I say, I don't fit in.
There's a reason, though, that I don't want to join a weight loss group. In the short term, I think they can be very supportive and helpful. In the long term, though, I run out of patience with people because they tend to gripe about the same five problems. I've made a list of the common gripes, and my sarky, but usually unsaid, remarks.
For some people, listening to others who have similar problems is helpful. For me, it serves as a further reminder of my own failings, and I despise myself for it.
Oinkstop's report card for the week:
Works well with others: F+
Add that to the fact that I'm cynical, I laugh at my own jokes, and I'm ruthlessly honest, and I just don't fit in.
A few months ago, my partner and I had to attend some training classes that were taught in a group setting. I was the one that asked the tough questions, the questions that brought up unpopular or uncomfortable subjects. In a way, I became the class hero, because I was asking the questions everyone else was thinking but was too afraid to ask (several other students thanked me after class) but it made the teacher angry because I was thoroughly trashing his pre-defined world view about certain subjects.
Like I say, I don't fit in.
There's a reason, though, that I don't want to join a weight loss group. In the short term, I think they can be very supportive and helpful. In the long term, though, I run out of patience with people because they tend to gripe about the same five problems. I've made a list of the common gripes, and my sarky, but usually unsaid, remarks.
- My boyfriend (husband, family, friends, etc.) aren't supportive of my weight loss efforts, and they keep undermining my diet.
Well, if your boyfriend (husband, family, friends, etc.) aren't supportive, you can either dump them, or go live on a desert island for a while. Remember girls, it's you who decides what does into your mouth, not your boyfriend. - I don't understand why I didn't lose weight this week, I exercised, drank my water, stayed on my food plan, and didn't cheat (well, except for the entire box of Oreos I ate last Tuesday) so I should have lost at least something.
Quit whining. You didn't stick to your food plan for the entire week. Oreos, especially in such a large number, are guaranteed to stick to your butt. - I ate an entire raft of jelly beans. I just couldn't help myself.
If you can't control your own behavior, you are never going to lose weight. Throw the damn jelly beans out so you aren't tempted, or lock yourself in a room for the next six months until you can get past your cravings. Sorry gals, you are responsible for your own behavior. - My family won't eat the healthy food I'm preparing for myself.
See item #1 from the list. If that fails, tell them "too bad" and they can go out to McDonald's every night on their own. You can bid them a fond farewell as they head out the door, "Bye, enjoy killing yourselves!" - I just can't make myself stick to my diet this week!
Then maybe you should go home and not waste your money. See item #3.
For some people, listening to others who have similar problems is helpful. For me, it serves as a further reminder of my own failings, and I despise myself for it.
Oinkstop's report card for the week:
Works well with others: F+
The High Cost of Losing Weight
I know other people have blogged about this before, but there's something that I really don't understand in the way our government subsidizes farming. The government and health watch industries have been complaining for years about how obesity is exploding in the United States, but the way our economy works, it's cheaper to be fat unless you have serious health problems.
Wheat, rice, tobacco, dairy, soybean, peanut, sugar, and honey farmers, among others, received over 8 billion dollars in farm subsidies in 2004. Although it's great those farmers are getting help, because farming can be a really tough business, I also wonder what it's doing to our health as a nation.
Take, for example, the results you see at the grocery store. The last time we went to the store, we discovered we could buy instant ramen soup, which is high in fat, sodium and calories for 33 cents a cup. Bananas, on the other hand, which are actually healthy, cost 89 cents a pound. The last bunch of bananas we bought cost about $3.50 for about 6 servings of bananas. The same number of servings of ramen was only $2.
Now we are a solidly middle class family, so we can afford the $1.50 price difference. Still, over the course of the month, when you start making comparisons across dozens of products it adds up. Here's another scary comparison:
Sunny Delight, for those not familiar with the product, is an orange-flavored drink made from the following ingredients: Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup and 2% or Less of each of the Following: Concentrated Juices (Orange, Tangerine, Apple, Lime, Grapefruit), Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Thiamin Hydrochloride (Vitamin B1), Natural Flavors, Modified Cornstarch, Canola Oil, Sodium Citrate, Cellulose Gum, Xanthan Gum, Sodium Hexametaphosphate, Sodium Benzoate to Protect Flavor, Yellow No. 5, Yellow No. 6.
It leaves me shaking my head that our government is so busy complaining about how fat we are becoming as a nation, yet they are subsidizing unhealthy products like tobacco. When unhealthy kid-friendly snacks like a 10-pack of Twinkies is priced at $3.99 while 3-packs of healthy carrots and dip sell for $2.49, it's no darn wonder that kids (and adults) eat crap and people get fatter and fatter and fatter.
If if we forget the costs of eating healthy, there's still the cost of getting fit. In our area, gym memberships add up quick. If you are lucky enough to be heterosexual and married, you can get a family gym membership at the YMCA for $55 per month. If you aren't, then you have to buy individual memberships for everyone in the house for a total cost of $84 per month for two parents and one kid. Our municipal pool charges $3 per adult and $2 for children for a 2-hour swim. They have no discounts and no monthly fees, so if we take our kid swimming 3 times a week, we'd be forking out almost $100/month for the privilege. Another local gym which doesn't take kids wants $59/month if you are willing to let them electronically debit your account for a year. If you don't have a checking account, or you don't have a steady income and can't deal with electronic debiting, then you pay $78/month for two people. If you aren't willing to sign a 1-year contract, they'll let you use the gym on a month-to-month basis for $75 per person per month, or a whopping $150 for a couple.
Ouch.
If the cost of healthy food and gym memberships haven't ruined your monthly budget, the cost of joining a weight-loss plan can be even more astronomical. The Annals of American Medicine published An Evaluation of Major Commercial Weight Loss Programs in the United States (Adobe Acrobat required) in 2005 and discovered the estimated costs for a 3-month program were pretty steep:
If you are lucky enough to have medical insurance to cover it, medically-supervised programs like Health Management Resources, OPTIFAST and Medifast might be worthwhile, but you still have to figure in the cost of food, which can be pretty expensive. NutriSystem has been advertising heavily on television and in print. If you sign up for their program on an automatic renewal, you'll shell out a whopping $293.72/month for food for one person. Oh, and lets not forget that on their program you still have to buy your own fresh fruits and vegetables.
Although we are solidly middle class, and we don't have to make scary choices between ramen and fresh vegetables to feed our family each month, our budget isn't infinitely elastic. We can't afford to add $600/month to our food budget so we could join a program like NutriSystem, and we definitely couldn't afford a medically-supervised plan. Weight Watchers* is a maybe, but at $12/week for the two of us, the cost would add up fast, and I'm not sure we'd get much more benefit than going it alone.
It's no wonder we Americans are so fat. Given the way our economy is set up, we'll probably continue to be that way, too.
----
* As an aside, I joined Weight Watchers before (several times) and after a while the meetings got pretty boring. I got tired of listening to fat ladies bitch about the same five problems over and over. But then again, maybe I'm not cut out for weight loss in a group setting. After all, I got an "N" (needs improvement) on my report card in the category "works well with others" when I was a kid.
Wheat, rice, tobacco, dairy, soybean, peanut, sugar, and honey farmers, among others, received over 8 billion dollars in farm subsidies in 2004. Although it's great those farmers are getting help, because farming can be a really tough business, I also wonder what it's doing to our health as a nation.
Take, for example, the results you see at the grocery store. The last time we went to the store, we discovered we could buy instant ramen soup, which is high in fat, sodium and calories for 33 cents a cup. Bananas, on the other hand, which are actually healthy, cost 89 cents a pound. The last bunch of bananas we bought cost about $3.50 for about 6 servings of bananas. The same number of servings of ramen was only $2.
Now we are a solidly middle class family, so we can afford the $1.50 price difference. Still, over the course of the month, when you start making comparisons across dozens of products it adds up. Here's another scary comparison:
| Tropicana 100% Orange Juice (64oz) | $4.89 |
| Sunny Delight (64oz) | $1.99 |
Sunny Delight, for those not familiar with the product, is an orange-flavored drink made from the following ingredients: Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup and 2% or Less of each of the Following: Concentrated Juices (Orange, Tangerine, Apple, Lime, Grapefruit), Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Thiamin Hydrochloride (Vitamin B1), Natural Flavors, Modified Cornstarch, Canola Oil, Sodium Citrate, Cellulose Gum, Xanthan Gum, Sodium Hexametaphosphate, Sodium Benzoate to Protect Flavor, Yellow No. 5, Yellow No. 6.
It leaves me shaking my head that our government is so busy complaining about how fat we are becoming as a nation, yet they are subsidizing unhealthy products like tobacco. When unhealthy kid-friendly snacks like a 10-pack of Twinkies is priced at $3.99 while 3-packs of healthy carrots and dip sell for $2.49, it's no darn wonder that kids (and adults) eat crap and people get fatter and fatter and fatter.
If if we forget the costs of eating healthy, there's still the cost of getting fit. In our area, gym memberships add up quick. If you are lucky enough to be heterosexual and married, you can get a family gym membership at the YMCA for $55 per month. If you aren't, then you have to buy individual memberships for everyone in the house for a total cost of $84 per month for two parents and one kid. Our municipal pool charges $3 per adult and $2 for children for a 2-hour swim. They have no discounts and no monthly fees, so if we take our kid swimming 3 times a week, we'd be forking out almost $100/month for the privilege. Another local gym which doesn't take kids wants $59/month if you are willing to let them electronically debit your account for a year. If you don't have a checking account, or you don't have a steady income and can't deal with electronic debiting, then you pay $78/month for two people. If you aren't willing to sign a 1-year contract, they'll let you use the gym on a month-to-month basis for $75 per person per month, or a whopping $150 for a couple.
Ouch.
If the cost of healthy food and gym memberships haven't ruined your monthly budget, the cost of joining a weight-loss plan can be even more astronomical. The Annals of American Medicine published An Evaluation of Major Commercial Weight Loss Programs in the United States (Adobe Acrobat required) in 2005 and discovered the estimated costs for a 3-month program were pretty steep:
| Weight Watchers | $167 |
| Jenny Craig | $1,249 |
| Health Management Resources (medically supervised) | $1,700-$2,100 |
| OPTIFAST | $1,800-$2,000 |
| Medifast | $840 (doctor visits extra) |
| e-Diets.com | $65 |
| Take Off Pounds Sensibly | $26 |
| Overeaters Anonymous | $0 (donations only) |
If you are lucky enough to have medical insurance to cover it, medically-supervised programs like Health Management Resources, OPTIFAST and Medifast might be worthwhile, but you still have to figure in the cost of food, which can be pretty expensive. NutriSystem has been advertising heavily on television and in print. If you sign up for their program on an automatic renewal, you'll shell out a whopping $293.72/month for food for one person. Oh, and lets not forget that on their program you still have to buy your own fresh fruits and vegetables.
Although we are solidly middle class, and we don't have to make scary choices between ramen and fresh vegetables to feed our family each month, our budget isn't infinitely elastic. We can't afford to add $600/month to our food budget so we could join a program like NutriSystem, and we definitely couldn't afford a medically-supervised plan. Weight Watchers* is a maybe, but at $12/week for the two of us, the cost would add up fast, and I'm not sure we'd get much more benefit than going it alone.
It's no wonder we Americans are so fat. Given the way our economy is set up, we'll probably continue to be that way, too.
----
* As an aside, I joined Weight Watchers before (several times) and after a while the meetings got pretty boring. I got tired of listening to fat ladies bitch about the same five problems over and over. But then again, maybe I'm not cut out for weight loss in a group setting. After all, I got an "N" (needs improvement) on my report card in the category "works well with others" when I was a kid.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Inner vs. Outer Voice
This afternoon, my mate took our kid on a school field trip. After the outing was over the phone rang. Here is the conversation that took place:
Mate: We just got done with the school field trip. Kid wants to stop at [Mexican Fast Food Place] and get something. Would you like us to get you anything?
Me: (inner voice) Oh yes! Yes! YES! Bring me back a dozen burritos, some tacos, and some guacamole and sour cream. I'll just spread it on my thighs directly to save myself the trouble of eating it.
Me: (outer voice) Oh, no thanks.
Mate: Would you like us to stop at the store for anything?
Me: (inner voice) Yes you ass, bring me something healthy and suitable from the store. You know we are both supposed to be on a diet.
Me: (outer voice) No, I don't want you to go to any trouble. I'm sure there's something I can find here at the house.
Mate: Are you sure? It really wouldn't be any trouble.
Me: (inner voice) Yeah you are just saying that because you feel guilty that you get to eat more calories than I do, and you've lost twice as much weight as I have. Fine, I'll make you pay for my suffering.
Me: (outer voice) Well, if you really don't mind, I'd like a large mound of broccoli for lunch please.
Mate: We just got done with the school field trip. Kid wants to stop at [Mexican Fast Food Place] and get something. Would you like us to get you anything?
Me: (inner voice) Oh yes! Yes! YES! Bring me back a dozen burritos, some tacos, and some guacamole and sour cream. I'll just spread it on my thighs directly to save myself the trouble of eating it.
Me: (outer voice) Oh, no thanks.
Mate: Would you like us to stop at the store for anything?
Me: (inner voice) Yes you ass, bring me something healthy and suitable from the store. You know we are both supposed to be on a diet.
Me: (outer voice) No, I don't want you to go to any trouble. I'm sure there's something I can find here at the house.
Mate: Are you sure? It really wouldn't be any trouble.
Me: (inner voice) Yeah you are just saying that because you feel guilty that you get to eat more calories than I do, and you've lost twice as much weight as I have. Fine, I'll make you pay for my suffering.
Me: (outer voice) Well, if you really don't mind, I'd like a large mound of broccoli for lunch please.
Morbidly Obese
This morning, I updated my weight loss progress sidebar (now called Oink Stats) to include my goal weight, total pounds lost and BMI numbers.
When I started this program 4 weeks ago, my BMI was 47. According to the National Institute of Health's BMI Calculator, a BMI of 30 or more is considered obese. A BMI of 40 or above is considered morbidly obese, which places me at a 75% higher risk for mortality than people of normal weight.
Such encouraging news for a Saturday.
The good news(?) is that at least I don't fall into the super-obese category. Those are folks with a BMI of 50 or more. To achieve that dubious honor, I'd need to tip the scales 274 pounds, or another 17 pounds higher than where I was when I started, or another 25 pounds from where I am now.
25 pounds. That's not all much weight. It's pretty sobering to think about.
The other good news is that I don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol or diabetes, the big three health problems ofoverweight obese people. As far as I know, I don't have sleep apnea, but it's too late for my gallbladder. I lost that sucker in my early 30's, though looking back I was having symptoms as early as my 20's. (I wasn't really overweight back then, but I suspect years of dieting may have contributed to the problem.)
I have noticed (recently) that I sometimes snore at night. Hopefully, losing weight will eliminate that problem, since I think snoring is one of the most unforgivable acts a person can do. It's noise pollution at it's worst. When I was a kid, my mother (not overweight, but used to be a smoker) would fall asleep on the sofa while watching TV. She'd lay there and snore, eventually becoming so so loud she'd wake herself up. She'd snort, raise her head, and then glare at us kids malevolently, thinking we were responsible for the abrupt end to her nap.
Okay, so now that I have all the bad news about my weight, I guess I should go do something about it. Since going off and sitting in the corner and crying about it won't help, I guess instead I'll just go eat a big plate of broccoli, and hope my next weigh-in is better.
When I started this program 4 weeks ago, my BMI was 47. According to the National Institute of Health's BMI Calculator, a BMI of 30 or more is considered obese. A BMI of 40 or above is considered morbidly obese, which places me at a 75% higher risk for mortality than people of normal weight.
Such encouraging news for a Saturday.
The good news(?) is that at least I don't fall into the super-obese category. Those are folks with a BMI of 50 or more. To achieve that dubious honor, I'd need to tip the scales 274 pounds, or another 17 pounds higher than where I was when I started, or another 25 pounds from where I am now.
25 pounds. That's not all much weight. It's pretty sobering to think about.
The other good news is that I don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol or diabetes, the big three health problems of
I have noticed (recently) that I sometimes snore at night. Hopefully, losing weight will eliminate that problem, since I think snoring is one of the most unforgivable acts a person can do. It's noise pollution at it's worst. When I was a kid, my mother (not overweight, but used to be a smoker) would fall asleep on the sofa while watching TV. She'd lay there and snore, eventually becoming so so loud she'd wake herself up. She'd snort, raise her head, and then glare at us kids malevolently, thinking we were responsible for the abrupt end to her nap.
Okay, so now that I have all the bad news about my weight, I guess I should go do something about it. Since going off and sitting in the corner and crying about it won't help, I guess instead I'll just go eat a big plate of broccoli, and hope my next weigh-in is better.
Friday, May 18, 2007
More Motivation
A shout-out goes to Shannon for telling me about the following blog:
Pastaqueen, over at Half of Me, reports that Leonard Nimoy (aka Mr. Spock from Star Trek) is taking nude photographs of obese women. If you visit Pastaqueen's blog, you'll find a link to a New York Times story about Nimoy's project, and a link to the actual photos themselves. Although the pictures are what I would consider tasteful nudes, I found them very disturbing.
Our culture has made fat ugly. When I looked at the pictures, I was disgusted. My first unedited thought was, "how could someone let themselves get so large?" I felt like I was watching a train wreck. I wanted to turn away, but I couldn't. With sick fascination, I viewed every picture, every sagging breast, roll of fat, and over-sized pair of buttocks.
Then I realized the painful truth:
I look just like the women in those pictures.
I am disgusted with myself. I don't want to look like those women.
Pastaqueen, over at Half of Me, reports that Leonard Nimoy (aka Mr. Spock from Star Trek) is taking nude photographs of obese women. If you visit Pastaqueen's blog, you'll find a link to a New York Times story about Nimoy's project, and a link to the actual photos themselves. Although the pictures are what I would consider tasteful nudes, I found them very disturbing.
Our culture has made fat ugly. When I looked at the pictures, I was disgusted. My first unedited thought was, "how could someone let themselves get so large?" I felt like I was watching a train wreck. I wanted to turn away, but I couldn't. With sick fascination, I viewed every picture, every sagging breast, roll of fat, and over-sized pair of buttocks.
Then I realized the painful truth:
I look just like the women in those pictures.
I am disgusted with myself. I don't want to look like those women.
Weekly Weigh-In #4
As I feared yesterday, my weight was up this morning:
Oh bother.
I went back to bed to sulk for a while, drank some water, got up later and went to the bathroom again, and my weight dropped to 248.4.
I hate weighing in.
On the plus side, I can see that my percentage of body fat is down by 1.4 percentage points and my lean muscle mass is up 3.1 lbs from when I started. I can also see that my body water percentage is up almost 2 percentage points from last week, so that could explain why I have the less-than-happy numbers on the scale.
Still, I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping today's numbers would be lower than Tuesday's.
Weight 249.4 lbsThis morning's weigh-in was pretty frustrating. When I first woke up, I stepped on the scale and got a weight of 248.2. That weight was up from Tuesday's weigh-in, but still down from last Friday. When I weighed again a few minutes later to measure my body fat percentage, my weight jumped a whole pound. My official weight is +0.2 from last Friday.
Body Fat 48.4 %
Body H20 37.4 %
Bone Mass 7.4 lbs
Muscle Mass 52.2 lbs
Oh bother.
I went back to bed to sulk for a while, drank some water, got up later and went to the bathroom again, and my weight dropped to 248.4.
I hate weighing in.
On the plus side, I can see that my percentage of body fat is down by 1.4 percentage points and my lean muscle mass is up 3.1 lbs from when I started. I can also see that my body water percentage is up almost 2 percentage points from last week, so that could explain why I have the less-than-happy numbers on the scale.
Still, I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping today's numbers would be lower than Tuesday's.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Bodily Functions
When I started this blog, I planned not to talk much about bodily functions. I've noticed a lot of bloggers, especially those blogging about weight loss, tend to write about female cycles or their bowel habits, and it kind of squigged me out a little bit.
But suddenly, it all seems so relevant.
About seven years ago, I discovered, most unpleasantly, that I had gallstones. After one night in the emergency room with the most excruciating pain, vomiting and diarrhea I've ever experienced, I ended up on the operating table, and the offending organ was removed. Sadly, I was not one of the folks who escaped the surgery without post-surgical side-effects. I'm one of the unlucky 10% who ended up with symptoms that mimic Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Although my surgeon assured me that the problem would go away quickly, I've made frequent trips to the bathroom for the past seven years. I make so many trips that I have to buy the softest (and most expensive) bathroom tissue, so that I don't rub my poor and overworked behind raw. It's pretty typical to see me making a mad dash for the potty 20-30 minutes after I've eaten, and I know where every toilet is within a 50-mile radius. I've also learned the importance of skipping meals when I'm traveling so I don't get caught short.
The problem sometimes is better and sometimes worse, but it never completely goes away. When I'm having a particularly bad spell, I can go days, sometimes as much as a week, without being able to leave the house. A few years ago, I had to get my doctor to write me a letter to get me out of jury duty, because there was no way I was going to be able to sit through a trial without leaving at unpredictable moments. I told the jury commissioner I'd be happy to serve if they could provide me with a PottyTron (think JumboTron television for the bathroom) but they declined and instructed me to get a note from my doctor instead.
I've tried all sorts of different remedies that are supposed to help, but nothing worked for long. I've tried supplements, increasing my fiber intake, spacing my meals, decreasing my fat intake, increasing my fat intake, and even jumping up and down and saying "wubba." Nothing worked. My doctor has tried to get me to take a prescription drug that is supposed to help, but the medication in question tastes nasty, and it's just another expense to add to my usually-overstretched budget. Most of the time it's something I can manage with just a little bit of planning ahead.
The good news in all of this is that I never get constipated, and I never get food poisoning. Stuff moves through too quickly to make me sick. My mother and I went to a Chinese restaurant once and she got infected with e. coli. We ate the same stuff, but she was sick for a couple of weeks until she went to her doctor. I had tummy trouble for a couple of hours, and chalked it up to a bad no-gallbladder day.
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to check in for my weekly weigh-in, and I'm not looking forward to it. I expect that I've gained weight.
Why, you ask?
Well it's not because I've done a horrible job with my food plan this week. With the exception of Wednesday night, I've been right on target with what I planned to eat. One day shouldn't wipe me out, and the truth is I didn't stuff myself to extremes. I ate more than I'd originally planned, but I didn't single-handedly clear the buffet table.
The reason I'm expecting my weight to be up is, well, I seem to have developed the opposite bathroom problem than is usual.
Yes boys and girls, there's a serious log jam in Oinkstop's rear that's been going on for several days now.
I expect that my weight is going to be up (as it has been slowly climbing over the past few of days) because I'm going to be weighing all that food that has nowhere to go.
Don't worry, I'm not suffering or anything. I'm not uncomfortable, nothing hurts, and if I don't see some movement in this direction soon, I'll probably have to take measures to clear the pipes, as it were. But I expect tomorrow I'll be weighing a whole lot of stuff I don't want to weigh, so it's going to make for an unhappy Oinkstop at the scales tomorrow.
Oh poop. Literally.
But suddenly, it all seems so relevant.
About seven years ago, I discovered, most unpleasantly, that I had gallstones. After one night in the emergency room with the most excruciating pain, vomiting and diarrhea I've ever experienced, I ended up on the operating table, and the offending organ was removed. Sadly, I was not one of the folks who escaped the surgery without post-surgical side-effects. I'm one of the unlucky 10% who ended up with symptoms that mimic Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Although my surgeon assured me that the problem would go away quickly, I've made frequent trips to the bathroom for the past seven years. I make so many trips that I have to buy the softest (and most expensive) bathroom tissue, so that I don't rub my poor and overworked behind raw. It's pretty typical to see me making a mad dash for the potty 20-30 minutes after I've eaten, and I know where every toilet is within a 50-mile radius. I've also learned the importance of skipping meals when I'm traveling so I don't get caught short.
The problem sometimes is better and sometimes worse, but it never completely goes away. When I'm having a particularly bad spell, I can go days, sometimes as much as a week, without being able to leave the house. A few years ago, I had to get my doctor to write me a letter to get me out of jury duty, because there was no way I was going to be able to sit through a trial without leaving at unpredictable moments. I told the jury commissioner I'd be happy to serve if they could provide me with a PottyTron (think JumboTron television for the bathroom) but they declined and instructed me to get a note from my doctor instead.
I've tried all sorts of different remedies that are supposed to help, but nothing worked for long. I've tried supplements, increasing my fiber intake, spacing my meals, decreasing my fat intake, increasing my fat intake, and even jumping up and down and saying "wubba." Nothing worked. My doctor has tried to get me to take a prescription drug that is supposed to help, but the medication in question tastes nasty, and it's just another expense to add to my usually-overstretched budget. Most of the time it's something I can manage with just a little bit of planning ahead.
The good news in all of this is that I never get constipated, and I never get food poisoning. Stuff moves through too quickly to make me sick. My mother and I went to a Chinese restaurant once and she got infected with e. coli. We ate the same stuff, but she was sick for a couple of weeks until she went to her doctor. I had tummy trouble for a couple of hours, and chalked it up to a bad no-gallbladder day.
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to check in for my weekly weigh-in, and I'm not looking forward to it. I expect that I've gained weight.
Why, you ask?
Well it's not because I've done a horrible job with my food plan this week. With the exception of Wednesday night, I've been right on target with what I planned to eat. One day shouldn't wipe me out, and the truth is I didn't stuff myself to extremes. I ate more than I'd originally planned, but I didn't single-handedly clear the buffet table.
The reason I'm expecting my weight to be up is, well, I seem to have developed the opposite bathroom problem than is usual.
Yes boys and girls, there's a serious log jam in Oinkstop's rear that's been going on for several days now.
I expect that my weight is going to be up (as it has been slowly climbing over the past few of days) because I'm going to be weighing all that food that has nowhere to go.
Don't worry, I'm not suffering or anything. I'm not uncomfortable, nothing hurts, and if I don't see some movement in this direction soon, I'll probably have to take measures to clear the pipes, as it were. But I expect tomorrow I'll be weighing a whole lot of stuff I don't want to weigh, so it's going to make for an unhappy Oinkstop at the scales tomorrow.
Oh poop. Literally.
Follow Up to G-d and Weight Loss
Although I have no plans to turn my weight loss blog into a religious outlet by any means, Shannon from Shannon's Weight Loss Journey asked an interesting question in response to my post G-d and Weight Loss. In her comment, she asked:
An interesting fact about Judaism is that it requires very little from the faithful in terms of belief. To be a good Jew, it's perfectly permissible to have one's doubts and questions about the existence of G-d. Being a good Jew is more about behavior and a code of conduct than believing a certain set of ideas. In Christianity, the focus is on faith. In Judaism, the focus is on action.
Hillel probably summed up Judaism best when he said, "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn."
The focus on action versus thinking is further reflected in the Jewish attitude about prayer. Prayer is important, but the actions people take are much more important. The quote, "pray as if everything depends on G-d; act as if everything depends on you" pretty much sums up the Jewish attitude about prayer quite nicely.
Jews have always wrestled with G-d. Although the Torah says we are the chosen people, it also makes numerous references to how stubborn, disobedient and naughty we were (and still are). We are not infallible. We are human. We make lots of mistakes. We mess up, and are expected to do better next time. Unlike many religions, however, Judaism encourages questioning, debate and argument. One doesn't have to unconditionally believe in G-d to be a faithful Jew. One simply has to follow the law as if G-d exists.
Of course even the law is subject to interpretation. Jews have argued about the Torah and what it means for centuries, and not everyone agrees. What makes Judaism different is that when two Jews disagree on a point of Torah, it's perfectly acceptable. I've seen (and remember fondly) people getting into huge arguments during Torah study, where they get really worked up. They argue their points passionately, but when the discussion is over, they pat each other on the back and say, "good argument." We debate, discuss, and wrestle with Torah. We don't always agree, and it's not a requirement.
So now, to finally answer Shannon's question, my answer is I don't know.
In a sense, I think that prayers are heard, simply because I've noticed that "the law of attraction" as described in books like The Secret does seem to work at least some of the time. I've had it happen in my own life, and I've seen in happen in my friends' lives. Whether that should be called prayer, positive thinking, or just creative goal-setting, it seems to work at least to a degree. There have been studies that suggest prayer may actually help heal the sick, so it's hard to know for sure.
It might help, and it certainly can't hurt. Sending positive thoughts and energy out there into the universe certainly can't do any harm.
I don't think, though, that G-d has a Request Department. G-d doesn't sit around waiting for, listening to, and evaluating the merits of, prayer requests. There aren't a group of angels sitting on a cloud somewhere separating the wheat from the chaff, the worthy from the unworthy. My view of G-d is much more faceless and impersonal than the commonly-held Christian ideal. I don't see G-d as a "personal" god. If I do the right thing, G-d isn't sitting back in his cosmic lawn chair applauding. If I do the wrong thing, G-d isn't sitting there scowling, trying to think of the best way to punish me. I see G-d as an energy, something closer to The Force from the movie Star Wars, not as an omnipotent man keeping score of my good deeds and sins as I go through life.
Rather than prayers being granted explicitly by G-d, I think we hold the burden in making our wishes come true. Prayer does more to focus our attention on what we should be doing. If I pray to find a new job after I've been laid off, what I'm really doing is focusing my attention on the task at hand. As I pray, I clarify the steps in my mind that I need to take: I need to get a resume together, to start researching companies, to make phone calls, and start responding to job opportunities.
In the case of the blogger who prayed not to eat candy, I think her prayers simply focused in her mind the fact that she really didn't want to be munching on unhealthy food, and she herself decided she didn't need it. Because of my own beliefs, I have a really hard time with the idea that G-d heard her prayer, waved his hand, and the urge to eat a Snickers bar simply vanished. It's just too magical for my world view.
When it comes to my own weight loss, I don't see a lot of point in praying about it. I'm fat because I ate too much and exercised too little. I wasn't paying attention to that aspect of my life, and for a long time I didn't care. Now things have changed, I suddenly do care, and it's up to me to do something about it. Even if G-d did listen to my prayers, the onus is still on me. Let's face it, I could pray all day to be thin, but if I'm sitting on my wide backside eating bon bons all day, I'm not going to lose weight. There are no miracle weight loss solutions. Prayer or no, I still have to eat less and exercise more over a long period of time before I'm going to be at a healthy weight.
I own my weight problems, not G-d.
Do you think that praying for something (health for someone who is ill, etc) is actually heard?Before I get down to answering Shannon's question, there is a little background that I should cover.
An interesting fact about Judaism is that it requires very little from the faithful in terms of belief. To be a good Jew, it's perfectly permissible to have one's doubts and questions about the existence of G-d. Being a good Jew is more about behavior and a code of conduct than believing a certain set of ideas. In Christianity, the focus is on faith. In Judaism, the focus is on action.
Hillel probably summed up Judaism best when he said, "That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn."
The focus on action versus thinking is further reflected in the Jewish attitude about prayer. Prayer is important, but the actions people take are much more important. The quote, "pray as if everything depends on G-d; act as if everything depends on you" pretty much sums up the Jewish attitude about prayer quite nicely.
Jews have always wrestled with G-d. Although the Torah says we are the chosen people, it also makes numerous references to how stubborn, disobedient and naughty we were (and still are). We are not infallible. We are human. We make lots of mistakes. We mess up, and are expected to do better next time. Unlike many religions, however, Judaism encourages questioning, debate and argument. One doesn't have to unconditionally believe in G-d to be a faithful Jew. One simply has to follow the law as if G-d exists.
Of course even the law is subject to interpretation. Jews have argued about the Torah and what it means for centuries, and not everyone agrees. What makes Judaism different is that when two Jews disagree on a point of Torah, it's perfectly acceptable. I've seen (and remember fondly) people getting into huge arguments during Torah study, where they get really worked up. They argue their points passionately, but when the discussion is over, they pat each other on the back and say, "good argument." We debate, discuss, and wrestle with Torah. We don't always agree, and it's not a requirement.
So now, to finally answer Shannon's question, my answer is I don't know.
In a sense, I think that prayers are heard, simply because I've noticed that "the law of attraction" as described in books like The Secret does seem to work at least some of the time. I've had it happen in my own life, and I've seen in happen in my friends' lives. Whether that should be called prayer, positive thinking, or just creative goal-setting, it seems to work at least to a degree. There have been studies that suggest prayer may actually help heal the sick, so it's hard to know for sure.
It might help, and it certainly can't hurt. Sending positive thoughts and energy out there into the universe certainly can't do any harm.
I don't think, though, that G-d has a Request Department. G-d doesn't sit around waiting for, listening to, and evaluating the merits of, prayer requests. There aren't a group of angels sitting on a cloud somewhere separating the wheat from the chaff, the worthy from the unworthy. My view of G-d is much more faceless and impersonal than the commonly-held Christian ideal. I don't see G-d as a "personal" god. If I do the right thing, G-d isn't sitting back in his cosmic lawn chair applauding. If I do the wrong thing, G-d isn't sitting there scowling, trying to think of the best way to punish me. I see G-d as an energy, something closer to The Force from the movie Star Wars, not as an omnipotent man keeping score of my good deeds and sins as I go through life.
Rather than prayers being granted explicitly by G-d, I think we hold the burden in making our wishes come true. Prayer does more to focus our attention on what we should be doing. If I pray to find a new job after I've been laid off, what I'm really doing is focusing my attention on the task at hand. As I pray, I clarify the steps in my mind that I need to take: I need to get a resume together, to start researching companies, to make phone calls, and start responding to job opportunities.
In the case of the blogger who prayed not to eat candy, I think her prayers simply focused in her mind the fact that she really didn't want to be munching on unhealthy food, and she herself decided she didn't need it. Because of my own beliefs, I have a really hard time with the idea that G-d heard her prayer, waved his hand, and the urge to eat a Snickers bar simply vanished. It's just too magical for my world view.
When it comes to my own weight loss, I don't see a lot of point in praying about it. I'm fat because I ate too much and exercised too little. I wasn't paying attention to that aspect of my life, and for a long time I didn't care. Now things have changed, I suddenly do care, and it's up to me to do something about it. Even if G-d did listen to my prayers, the onus is still on me. Let's face it, I could pray all day to be thin, but if I'm sitting on my wide backside eating bon bons all day, I'm not going to lose weight. There are no miracle weight loss solutions. Prayer or no, I still have to eat less and exercise more over a long period of time before I'm going to be at a healthy weight.
I own my weight problems, not G-d.
G-d and Weight Loss
I should probably keep my mouth shut on this topic, because I know I'm bound to offend someone. Religion is a touchy subject at best, and at worst it's the fuel for wars. I'm definitely not trying to start a religious war involving G-d and weight loss.
Still, it's something I've been wondering about. Since I joined the May Day Weight Loss Challenge, I've dropped in on quite a few different weight loss blogs. Some of them are good, some of them are boring, and some of them... Well, I guess the best I can say is that I don't quite know what to make of them.
First off, I should start out by saying that I'm Jewish, and I find a lot of what Christians believe and do a little bit mind boggling. I don't mean it in a bad way, and I absolutely don't want to insult any Christian readers I might have, but from my religious perspective, a lot of Christian belief and worship leaves me scratching my head.
Although I'm by no means an Orthodox Jew, I do believe in G-d, and I try to be mindful of the things I do every day. I make an effort to treat people with kindness and compassion and to do the right thing in my business and personal dealings with people. G-d is certainly a part of my life, but I don't spend much of my time actually thinking about G-d. Yes, I do pray, but most of the prayers that I make are prayers of thanksgiving, rather than specific requests. When I do pray and ask G-d for something, it's usually for someone else like asking G-d to help someone recover from an illness. I rarely ask G-d for things for myself. When I do, it's usually something big, like helping me to find work when I've lost my job.
It never would occur to me to pray to G-d and ask for help to lose weight. I see that as something that is solely under my control and is my responsibility.
The other day, I was browsing through some of the blogs that are participating in the Challenge, and I came across a blog entitled To Know Him. Based on the name, I figured it would be a pretty religious blog, but I figured I'd drop in to see if there was anything interesting. What I found was pretty much what I expected -- it's a journal written by a woman who feels that Jesus has a very strong influence in all aspects of her and her husband's life.
A couple of things in the blog struck me as very odd. The first was that the author mentioned her husband building a swing set for their kids. When her husband finished the job, he remarked the project was completed by "one man and his G-d." The remark left me scratching my head, because I can't really envision G-d standing there, helping the man swing his hammer. I see G-d more as a master planner, a force that binds the universe together and controls things on a macro level. I don't see G-d as being particularly interested in getting involved with a guy building a kiddie gym for his offspring.
The second, and most perplexing, thing I found on the blog was the following quote:
What I find so perplexing is the entire idea that G-d would somehow have some kind of master plan for this woman. In my world view, G-d doesn't micromanage people's lives. We have free will and free choice, and when things happen, they either happen as a result of choices we've made (like getting a speeding ticket) or random chance (like a family of four being wiped out by a drunk driver). Weight loss, in my mind, isn't a miracle of G-d any more than basic life is. Rather, it's a simple mathematical equation. If calories in is less than calories burned, you lose weight.
I find it interesting that someone can feel the presence of G-d in such an up-close, and personal way. From the Jewish perspective, Moses was the last person who had a really personal relationship with G-d, so it really struck me as very odd when I read the following in the same post:
I didn't know that G-d worked as an appetite suppressant. Interesting.
Still, it's something I've been wondering about. Since I joined the May Day Weight Loss Challenge, I've dropped in on quite a few different weight loss blogs. Some of them are good, some of them are boring, and some of them... Well, I guess the best I can say is that I don't quite know what to make of them.
First off, I should start out by saying that I'm Jewish, and I find a lot of what Christians believe and do a little bit mind boggling. I don't mean it in a bad way, and I absolutely don't want to insult any Christian readers I might have, but from my religious perspective, a lot of Christian belief and worship leaves me scratching my head.
Although I'm by no means an Orthodox Jew, I do believe in G-d, and I try to be mindful of the things I do every day. I make an effort to treat people with kindness and compassion and to do the right thing in my business and personal dealings with people. G-d is certainly a part of my life, but I don't spend much of my time actually thinking about G-d. Yes, I do pray, but most of the prayers that I make are prayers of thanksgiving, rather than specific requests. When I do pray and ask G-d for something, it's usually for someone else like asking G-d to help someone recover from an illness. I rarely ask G-d for things for myself. When I do, it's usually something big, like helping me to find work when I've lost my job.
It never would occur to me to pray to G-d and ask for help to lose weight. I see that as something that is solely under my control and is my responsibility.
The other day, I was browsing through some of the blogs that are participating in the Challenge, and I came across a blog entitled To Know Him. Based on the name, I figured it would be a pretty religious blog, but I figured I'd drop in to see if there was anything interesting. What I found was pretty much what I expected -- it's a journal written by a woman who feels that Jesus has a very strong influence in all aspects of her and her husband's life.
A couple of things in the blog struck me as very odd. The first was that the author mentioned her husband building a swing set for their kids. When her husband finished the job, he remarked the project was completed by "one man and his G-d." The remark left me scratching my head, because I can't really envision G-d standing there, helping the man swing his hammer. I see G-d more as a master planner, a force that binds the universe together and controls things on a macro level. I don't see G-d as being particularly interested in getting involved with a guy building a kiddie gym for his offspring.
The second, and most perplexing, thing I found on the blog was the following quote:
Actually, this week was really positive... even without a big weight loss.. I learned some things. You see, I normally lose weight so easily. I don't even have to be strict with my eating and exercising, and I will still lose. I told a friend that it was so strange that I am having trouble losing weight. I am not really going overboard with eating (at least like I used to), and I am exercising regularly...so I should be losing weight (according to my past experiences).
I had this thought... I wonder if the Lord is at work here.. it maybe all that yo-yo dieting I have done that is stopping me from losing weight, or my metabolism could be slowing down as I age. But, I wonder if this might be a gift from the Lord... I know me, and if I started losing weight real easily... I would focus on the program I was doing, or I would muster up all the will power I have in me, and lose the weight. But then, I would not fix the real problem, and that is my addiction to Food, and how I want to control this area. So, when I don't lose weight, that makes me turn to God, and ask Him for His guidance. I think by the time this is over, I will have true freedom in this area... God is with me for the long haul... He wants me to get to the heart of this matter... not just find a temporary fix. Thank You Lord for not giving up on me :)
What I find so perplexing is the entire idea that G-d would somehow have some kind of master plan for this woman. In my world view, G-d doesn't micromanage people's lives. We have free will and free choice, and when things happen, they either happen as a result of choices we've made (like getting a speeding ticket) or random chance (like a family of four being wiped out by a drunk driver). Weight loss, in my mind, isn't a miracle of G-d any more than basic life is. Rather, it's a simple mathematical equation. If calories in is less than calories burned, you lose weight.
I find it interesting that someone can feel the presence of G-d in such an up-close, and personal way. From the Jewish perspective, Moses was the last person who had a really personal relationship with G-d, so it really struck me as very odd when I read the following in the same post:
I really did stay away from sweets for the most part (Mothers Day I had some ice-cream with my Rhubarb crunch)... I remember one time I wanted some candy, and I prayed, and the urge passed.
I didn't know that G-d worked as an appetite suppressant. Interesting.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Too Cold to Exercise
Okay, so I'll admit it. I'm a wimp when it comes to cool weather. Although I was born and raised in the town I live in, I spent two years in the tropics and I've never been the same since. If it's not at least 70 degrees Fahrenheit outside, I'm not a happy person. If it's below 65, I'm uncomfortable. Anything below that, and there's no way I'm going outside for a walk, especially if it's windy.
This evening, it was 52 degrees, overcast and breezy. I probably had a little too much to eat this evening, because there was a potluck at my kid's school. I didn't eat a raft of food, but I did go back for seconds and had a cookie. (That's one cookie, not an entire box full) I walked out of there feeling full, but not stuffed. Even so, I figured I'd better get some exercise in, since I really didn't do a good job of counting calories at the potluck.
What to do? It was too cold to walk around outside.
We live not too far from one of the big chain home improvement stores. It turns out they are open late in the evenings, so I drove the six blocks to avoid the icy wind and marched my butt into the store.
Ahh, it was nice and warm inside, and no wind.
I walked through the entire store, down one aisle, and up the other for a good 35 minutes. I walked briskly, but not so briskly that it was completely obvious I was there exercising and not shopping. (Of course it was kind of obvious I wasn't shopping, since I was wearing sweats, didn't have any money with me, and my partner and kid were in tow.)
I got a surprisingly good workout considering I wasn't trying very hard. I had no idea that particular store was so big.
This evening, it was 52 degrees, overcast and breezy. I probably had a little too much to eat this evening, because there was a potluck at my kid's school. I didn't eat a raft of food, but I did go back for seconds and had a cookie. (That's one cookie, not an entire box full) I walked out of there feeling full, but not stuffed. Even so, I figured I'd better get some exercise in, since I really didn't do a good job of counting calories at the potluck.
What to do? It was too cold to walk around outside.
We live not too far from one of the big chain home improvement stores. It turns out they are open late in the evenings, so I drove the six blocks to avoid the icy wind and marched my butt into the store.
Ahh, it was nice and warm inside, and no wind.
I walked through the entire store, down one aisle, and up the other for a good 35 minutes. I walked briskly, but not so briskly that it was completely obvious I was there exercising and not shopping. (Of course it was kind of obvious I wasn't shopping, since I was wearing sweats, didn't have any money with me, and my partner and kid were in tow.)
I got a surprisingly good workout considering I wasn't trying very hard. I had no idea that particular store was so big.
Scale...of...Fortune!
The ubiquitous "they" say that one shouldn't weigh every day, because day-to-day fluctuations in your weight can get discouraging.
That's definitely true. Lately, I feel like stepping on the scale has become a wheel of chance. I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm up, I'm down, and I'm down. It takes a lot of effort not to get discouraged when I've followed my eating plan and still my weight is up.
This morning was one of those morning. Yesterday I was down. This morning, my weight was up almost two pounds.
Rats.
I realize that the trend is going in the right direction and that this is a normal fluctuation so I shouldn't be worried about it. I know I shouldn't be discouraged, and for the most part I'm not. Still, I just wish I could step on the scale every day and see progress in the downward direction.
I also realize that if I don't step on the scale every day, I'll just continue to pretend my weight isn't a problem. One of the reasons I became so fat in the first place was that I avoided scales, except when my doctor forced me onto one. Had I been weighing myself regularly, the ever-increasing numbers might have motivated me to cut back long ago.
Objectively, I realize I'm doing pretty well. I've been at this three weeks, and I've lost weight every week. I am making forward progress. Although it seems like I became obese overnight, that's not really what happened, and it's going to take a long time to undo the years of bad eating habits.
Still, I just wish it wouldn't take so long.
That's definitely true. Lately, I feel like stepping on the scale has become a wheel of chance. I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm up, I'm down, and I'm down. It takes a lot of effort not to get discouraged when I've followed my eating plan and still my weight is up.
This morning was one of those morning. Yesterday I was down. This morning, my weight was up almost two pounds.
Rats.
I realize that the trend is going in the right direction and that this is a normal fluctuation so I shouldn't be worried about it. I know I shouldn't be discouraged, and for the most part I'm not. Still, I just wish I could step on the scale every day and see progress in the downward direction.
I also realize that if I don't step on the scale every day, I'll just continue to pretend my weight isn't a problem. One of the reasons I became so fat in the first place was that I avoided scales, except when my doctor forced me onto one. Had I been weighing myself regularly, the ever-increasing numbers might have motivated me to cut back long ago.
Objectively, I realize I'm doing pretty well. I've been at this three weeks, and I've lost weight every week. I am making forward progress. Although it seems like I became obese overnight, that's not really what happened, and it's going to take a long time to undo the years of bad eating habits.
Still, I just wish it wouldn't take so long.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Hunting Wabbits
Shhhhhhhh, be vewy vewy quiet; I'm hunting wabbits, heheheheheheh.As part of my overall weight-loss efforts, I've been trying to do a little reading up on nutrition. My nutritional education is pretty dated, and I still remember the four food groups. The USDA revised their nutritional recommendations, switching to the food pyramid, and recommended that people eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
- Elmer Fudd
Now the Harvard School of Public Health says that current guidelines recommend you consume between five and thirteen servings of fruit and vegetables.
That's a lot of rabbit food.
According to the Harvard site, if you consume 2,000 calories a day, you should aim for at least nine servings of fruit and vegetables per day. That works out to four and a half cups of rabbit chow.
I've already been told that I have funny-looking "bunny teeth." I used to get teased about it when I was a kid. If I manage to actually eat all the vegetables I'm supposed to, I imagine I'm going to sprout long ears and a tail.
I hope old Elmer Fudd isn't lurking around nearby.
May Day Weight Loss Challenge Weigh-In #1
Well today marks the first May Day Weight Loss Challenge Weigh-In. This is a weight loss challenge that runs from May 8, 2007 until September 18, 2007.
So far, as part of the challenge, I've lost 3.4 lbs. Since the beginning of my diet (April 25) I've lost a total of 10.6 lbs. I weigh 246.4 lbs.
Although I'm certainly happy about the numbers on the scale changing, I have to admit that I haven't really noticed any change in how my clothes fit or how my body feels. I don't feel any slimmer, and people haven't commented. I suspect that people won't start noticing for a long time, because I'm obese, not just overweight. It's much harder to notice someone is getting smaller when they have a big bulgy stomach, thunder thighs, and a butt that goes on forever. I think people tend to avoid looking at me too closely, because fat just isn't attractive.
So far, as part of the challenge, I've lost 3.4 lbs. Since the beginning of my diet (April 25) I've lost a total of 10.6 lbs. I weigh 246.4 lbs.
Although I'm certainly happy about the numbers on the scale changing, I have to admit that I haven't really noticed any change in how my clothes fit or how my body feels. I don't feel any slimmer, and people haven't commented. I suspect that people won't start noticing for a long time, because I'm obese, not just overweight. It's much harder to notice someone is getting smaller when they have a big bulgy stomach, thunder thighs, and a butt that goes on forever. I think people tend to avoid looking at me too closely, because fat just isn't attractive.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Clothing Excitement
Occasionally, I peruse online weight-loss support groups, and I've noticed a common thread: people getting excited about shopping for new clothes.
I can't imagine finding shopping exciting, especially if it's for clothes.
I hate clothes shopping with a passion. Nothing ever fits. If it fits my butt, it's too big at the waist, and too long in the legs. If it's the right length, then it doesn't fit anywhere else. I have the same problem with shirts. If it fits in the shoulders, it doesn't fit elsewhere.
Mostly, I live in sweats and t-shirts. I've lived in sweats and t-shirts for the past 15 years, and most of my current clothing is nearly that old. I have a few t-shirts that are still in decent shape that date back to just after college. I'll wear stuff until it's stained and full of holes, simply because I hate going to the store to buy new. Even when I'm buying sweats and t-shirts, which I know will fit, I absolutely hate going to the store to buy them.
I'd almost rather die than shop.
I'll be interested to see if this viewpoint changes. The only time I remember enjoying clothing shopping was when I was at my absolute skinniest, while I was in college. My mother bought me a whole new wardrobe. But, even then it was frustrating, as I still had a hard time finding anything in my size.
I wonder if things will be different if I lose all the weight this time.
I can't imagine finding shopping exciting, especially if it's for clothes.
I hate clothes shopping with a passion. Nothing ever fits. If it fits my butt, it's too big at the waist, and too long in the legs. If it's the right length, then it doesn't fit anywhere else. I have the same problem with shirts. If it fits in the shoulders, it doesn't fit elsewhere.
Mostly, I live in sweats and t-shirts. I've lived in sweats and t-shirts for the past 15 years, and most of my current clothing is nearly that old. I have a few t-shirts that are still in decent shape that date back to just after college. I'll wear stuff until it's stained and full of holes, simply because I hate going to the store to buy new. Even when I'm buying sweats and t-shirts, which I know will fit, I absolutely hate going to the store to buy them.
I'd almost rather die than shop.
I'll be interested to see if this viewpoint changes. The only time I remember enjoying clothing shopping was when I was at my absolute skinniest, while I was in college. My mother bought me a whole new wardrobe. But, even then it was frustrating, as I still had a hard time finding anything in my size.
I wonder if things will be different if I lose all the weight this time.
Spend Wisely
I've blogged about this before. When you're on a diet, calories become a precious resource, and it's a great let-down to eat something that, although meeting your need for food, just doesn't cut it in terms of flavor, texture, or generalized yumminess.
Today's lunch was a bit of a disappointment. I had Schwan's Sweet and Sour Chicken with Rice. It's a low-fat entree, and in all honestly it's pretty good-tasting. At 240 calories a serving, it's certainly a reasonable meal choice if you don't have time to cook. We used to eat this stuff all the time, and we really enjoyed it.
But now that calories are such a scarce resource, I don't want to eat food that's just okay. I don't even want to eat food that I'd consider "pretty good." I only want to eat food that's downright excellent. I hate to say it, but this mean just doesn't compare to the real Sweet and Sour Chicken I can buy at my favorit Asian restaurant.
If I wasn't dieting, I would have been quite happy with my lunch.
Today's lunch was a bit of a disappointment. I had Schwan's Sweet and Sour Chicken with Rice. It's a low-fat entree, and in all honestly it's pretty good-tasting. At 240 calories a serving, it's certainly a reasonable meal choice if you don't have time to cook. We used to eat this stuff all the time, and we really enjoyed it.
But now that calories are such a scarce resource, I don't want to eat food that's just okay. I don't even want to eat food that I'd consider "pretty good." I only want to eat food that's downright excellent. I hate to say it, but this mean just doesn't compare to the real Sweet and Sour Chicken I can buy at my favorit Asian restaurant.
If I wasn't dieting, I would have been quite happy with my lunch.
Doctor Visit
To my surprise, my doctor didn't say word one about my weight. I was expecting my annual nagging, but she said nothing. She congratulated me that my blood pressure, which was borderline last year, was way down. I told her that was a big duh. Last year, when I went in for my annual exam, I was right in the middle of some extremely stressful life events, and it only made sense my blood pressure was elevated. I was working too many hours, and had family members in the hospital. I was stressed beyond belief, and there was no end in sight. I had big economic problems looming on the horizon, and it was just a tough, tough time. I told the doctor at the time that my life chaos was the root cause of my elevated blood pressure at the time, but she didn't really believe me.
I don't know if my weight was up or down from last year, because I didn't ask. Truthfully, I didn't want to know. Next year, if my weight is measurably down, I'll ask. Then I will care. Then it might actually matter to me. Right now, I simply don't want to know.
She surprised me and told me she wanted to do a blood sugar test. Fortunately, I'd deliberately skipped breakfast, so she could get an accurate reading. Her request sent me into a mini panic, wondering if all the peeing I was doing wasn't because of the extra water I'd been drinking on account of my diet, and was a sign of something ominous.
The nurse stuck my finger. I waited for the word of doom.
Panic canceled. My blood sugar reading, according to the doctor, was "perfect."
"See you next year" were my doctor's final words.
Those words were the nicest thing anybody has said to me all week.
I don't know if my weight was up or down from last year, because I didn't ask. Truthfully, I didn't want to know. Next year, if my weight is measurably down, I'll ask. Then I will care. Then it might actually matter to me. Right now, I simply don't want to know.
She surprised me and told me she wanted to do a blood sugar test. Fortunately, I'd deliberately skipped breakfast, so she could get an accurate reading. Her request sent me into a mini panic, wondering if all the peeing I was doing wasn't because of the extra water I'd been drinking on account of my diet, and was a sign of something ominous.
The nurse stuck my finger. I waited for the word of doom.
Panic canceled. My blood sugar reading, according to the doctor, was "perfect."
"See you next year" were my doctor's final words.
Those words were the nicest thing anybody has said to me all week.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Sometimes Going Hungry Is Worth It
This weekend is filled with all kinds of activities involving food, especially high-calorie food. We attended a friend's daughter's birthday cake, and there it was...
It was a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake.
I knew we were going to have cake, and planned for it. I got up late, and had breakfast at noon. I kept breakfast small, just 185 calories, and left the house hungry. I resisted temptation and had a small piece of cake at the party. I left the party, still hungry.
But the cake was so worth it. If I don't stuff myself at dinner, I will still be under my daily calorie allotment.
Tomorrow, we are going to have strawberry shortcake.
It was a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake.
I knew we were going to have cake, and planned for it. I got up late, and had breakfast at noon. I kept breakfast small, just 185 calories, and left the house hungry. I resisted temptation and had a small piece of cake at the party. I left the party, still hungry.
But the cake was so worth it. If I don't stuff myself at dinner, I will still be under my daily calorie allotment.
Tomorrow, we are going to have strawberry shortcake.
Friday, May 11, 2007
It's Not Cheating
I really hate the words "cheating on a diet." To me, the phrase is incredibly loaded, and doesn't accurately reflect the true nature of what a diet is supposed to be.
The reality is that diets don't work. We all know this. Diets are short-term changes made to lose weight over a short period of time. Once the weight comes off, if you return to your original eating plan, the weight will come back. Period.
Weight loss (and weight maintenance) boil down to simple mathematics. If you consume fewer calories than you expend, you will lose weight. If you consume the same number of calories as you expend, your weight will remain stable. If you consume more calories than you expend, you'll gain weight.
It's simple math.
There are all kinds of excuses, explanations and justifications for why people can't or won't lose weight, but they all can't avoid the simple science involved in weight loss: if you consume more energy than you expend, your body will store the excess energy as fat.
I hear a lot of overweight people complain about their slow metabolisms, their dislike for exercise, and how unfair it is that skinny people can eat their weight in French fries every day and never gain an ounce. There's no question that it's not fair, but not everyone is so lucky to have such high metabolisms. Nobody said life was supposed to be fair.
Eating an entire bag of potato chips has nothing to do with cheating on a diet.
Choosing to eat a bag of potato chips, or choosing to consume a bowl of celery stalks is a choice. You can choose to make wise food choices, or you can make poor ones. If you choose the chips, it's not cheating. You've made a choice, and you live with the consequences of that choice.
In the world outside the dieter's domain, people don't accuse you of cheating if you make a choice that costs you more than an alternative. If you were out car shopping, and opted to buy a more expensive new car instead of a cheaper used car, nobody would tell you that you are cheating on your budget. They might point out that the used car, especially if you are going to keep it for only a couple of years, is the better financial deal, but they aren't going to necessarily say you've done something bad. It's a choice, and you get to decide whether the consequences of a choice are livable. Is a nicer car and higher payments livable, or would you prefer to have the secondhand car and lower (or no) payments?
The same should be true with your food choices. Hopefully, you know how many calories you can safely consume while still losing weight. Likewise, you should know something about your basic nutritional needs and how to best meet them. You know how much you should exercise. Once you have all those parameters in your mind, you get to choose.
Having a scoop (or twelve) of ice cream isn't cheating. It's a choice, and you get to live with the consequences of what you decide. In the end, you get to decide what goes into your mouth, not anyone else.
The reality is that diets don't work. We all know this. Diets are short-term changes made to lose weight over a short period of time. Once the weight comes off, if you return to your original eating plan, the weight will come back. Period.
Weight loss (and weight maintenance) boil down to simple mathematics. If you consume fewer calories than you expend, you will lose weight. If you consume the same number of calories as you expend, your weight will remain stable. If you consume more calories than you expend, you'll gain weight.
It's simple math.
There are all kinds of excuses, explanations and justifications for why people can't or won't lose weight, but they all can't avoid the simple science involved in weight loss: if you consume more energy than you expend, your body will store the excess energy as fat.
I hear a lot of overweight people complain about their slow metabolisms, their dislike for exercise, and how unfair it is that skinny people can eat their weight in French fries every day and never gain an ounce. There's no question that it's not fair, but not everyone is so lucky to have such high metabolisms. Nobody said life was supposed to be fair.
Eating an entire bag of potato chips has nothing to do with cheating on a diet.
Choosing to eat a bag of potato chips, or choosing to consume a bowl of celery stalks is a choice. You can choose to make wise food choices, or you can make poor ones. If you choose the chips, it's not cheating. You've made a choice, and you live with the consequences of that choice.
In the world outside the dieter's domain, people don't accuse you of cheating if you make a choice that costs you more than an alternative. If you were out car shopping, and opted to buy a more expensive new car instead of a cheaper used car, nobody would tell you that you are cheating on your budget. They might point out that the used car, especially if you are going to keep it for only a couple of years, is the better financial deal, but they aren't going to necessarily say you've done something bad. It's a choice, and you get to decide whether the consequences of a choice are livable. Is a nicer car and higher payments livable, or would you prefer to have the secondhand car and lower (or no) payments?
The same should be true with your food choices. Hopefully, you know how many calories you can safely consume while still losing weight. Likewise, you should know something about your basic nutritional needs and how to best meet them. You know how much you should exercise. Once you have all those parameters in your mind, you get to choose.
Having a scoop (or twelve) of ice cream isn't cheating. It's a choice, and you get to live with the consequences of what you decide. In the end, you get to decide what goes into your mouth, not anyone else.
Weekly Weigh-In #3
This week, I am down 2.6 lbs, for a total of 7.8 lbs lost. Not bad, though my body fat increased by 0.1%, and my lean muscle mass decreased 1.3%. I'm not going to get too terribly excited about it at this point, because my understanding is that most scales that measure percentage of body fat from electrical induction aren't exactly the most accurate.
Here are my stats for the week:
Here are my stats for the week:
Weight 249.2 lbsOnly 17.9 lbs to lose until I've lost a total of 10% of my original body weight.
Body Fat 49.7 %
Body H20 35.5 %
Bone Mass 7.9 lbs
Muscle Mass 47.6 lbs
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Limited Resources
One of the things I hate about dieting is the fact that food, or rather calories, must be treated like a limited resource. I spend a great deal of time planning, and thinking about, what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat it, and how much I'm going to eat. I plan, plan, plan.
Since calories are so precious, I don't like to waste them on just anything.
I also like to try new foods.
This afternoon, I decided to try a new item from Schwan's, the frozen food delivery company. Yesterday, we bought a box of Grilled Cheese Toastwiches, which basically look like a cross between a Kellogg's Pop-Tart and a grilled cheese sandwich. I love cheese. I love Pop-Tarts. I couldn't think of anything that could be better. My mouth watered in anticipation when we bought the box, and I had a relatively light breakfast so I could have one of these beauties for lunch.
I was imagining flaky dough, creamy cheese, and a whole lot of deliciousness. I figured a 280-calorie pastry had to be good. How could it not be?
Well, in honesty, it wasn't that great. The pastry wasn't bad or anything, but it certainly didn't live up to my expectations. It was just rather unexciting. I can see where the pastry could have a place in my freezer as an emergency lunch, but it's not something that I really want to spend my calories on if I don't have to.
After the first bite, I thought about putting it to the side, so I could eat something better tasting. I decided against it, simply because I didn't want to make something else. Between it and a large bowl of fresh strawberries, I had plenty to eat, but I couldn't help but feel a little shortchanged.
At least I still have 590 calories to spend on dinner.
Since calories are so precious, I don't like to waste them on just anything.
I also like to try new foods.
This afternoon, I decided to try a new item from Schwan's, the frozen food delivery company. Yesterday, we bought a box of Grilled Cheese Toastwiches, which basically look like a cross between a Kellogg's Pop-Tart and a grilled cheese sandwich. I love cheese. I love Pop-Tarts. I couldn't think of anything that could be better. My mouth watered in anticipation when we bought the box, and I had a relatively light breakfast so I could have one of these beauties for lunch.
I was imagining flaky dough, creamy cheese, and a whole lot of deliciousness. I figured a 280-calorie pastry had to be good. How could it not be?
Well, in honesty, it wasn't that great. The pastry wasn't bad or anything, but it certainly didn't live up to my expectations. It was just rather unexciting. I can see where the pastry could have a place in my freezer as an emergency lunch, but it's not something that I really want to spend my calories on if I don't have to.
After the first bite, I thought about putting it to the side, so I could eat something better tasting. I decided against it, simply because I didn't want to make something else. Between it and a large bowl of fresh strawberries, I had plenty to eat, but I couldn't help but feel a little shortchanged.
At least I still have 590 calories to spend on dinner.
The Power of the Scale
I know that all the popular weight-loss advice says that you should not weigh yourself every day. It's normal, during a diet, for one's weight to dip and surge as part of an overall downward trend.
I weigh myself daily, anyway. It's a must. If I don't, then I tend to start playing the game of "what I don't know won't hurt me." If I don't know what my weight is every morning, then it's easy to think, "Oh, an extra serving won't hurt me this time."
Daily weighing keeps me accountable. Every day I step on that scale. Every day I know how I'm doing.
Of course the down-side to this approach is that it can affect my mood for the day. I've been in a particularly black mood for the past couple of weeks for a variety of reasons (not all related to dieting) and my weight was up 0.8 of a pound. Not a good start to the morning.
It's really frustrating to see my weight go up when I've been at, or slightly under, my calorie targets for the week.
I keep reminding myself that what I'm really looking for is an overall trend in the right direction. The weigh-ins that really count are my weekly measurements. Yeah, I'm keeping track of my daily weight, but the only weigh-ins that count are my weekly check-ins and body fat measurements.
Still, the power of the scale is mighty.
I weigh myself daily, anyway. It's a must. If I don't, then I tend to start playing the game of "what I don't know won't hurt me." If I don't know what my weight is every morning, then it's easy to think, "Oh, an extra serving won't hurt me this time."
Daily weighing keeps me accountable. Every day I step on that scale. Every day I know how I'm doing.
Of course the down-side to this approach is that it can affect my mood for the day. I've been in a particularly black mood for the past couple of weeks for a variety of reasons (not all related to dieting) and my weight was up 0.8 of a pound. Not a good start to the morning.
It's really frustrating to see my weight go up when I've been at, or slightly under, my calorie targets for the week.
I keep reminding myself that what I'm really looking for is an overall trend in the right direction. The weigh-ins that really count are my weekly measurements. Yeah, I'm keeping track of my daily weight, but the only weigh-ins that count are my weekly check-ins and body fat measurements.
Still, the power of the scale is mighty.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
More Reasons to Lose Weight
This post probably falls squarely into the TMI (Too Much Information) and way gross category, so skip post this if you don't want to read some gory and personal details.
Here are some more reasons why I need to lose weight:
I sometimes volunteer at a convalescent care center. I'm friendly with a woman who is extremely large and is physically disabled because of her weight. She has breathing problems, diabetes, edema (swelling) of her legs, she's going blind due her uncontrolled diabetes, and has problems walking and uses a wheelchair. I love this woman for her wonderful personality and the friendship she's given me. I also fear her. She is what I might become if I don't do something about my own weight. She's only 65 years old, but has to live in a convalescent care center because she's too disabled to care for herself because she is so obese.
I could be her in another 20 years.
If I don't do something about my weight now, I'm going to end up looking like Jabba the Hutt, confined to my bed, dependent on others for the basic necessities.
No way.
Here are some more reasons why I need to lose weight:
- My butt doesn't fit comfortably into those ubiquitous plastic stackable patio chairs.
- I can't see my feet if I stand up straight.
- My stomach hangs over my pubic area, and I have to lift it up to wash underneath.
- I'm so fat that I get a cramp in my back when I twist around to wipe after a bowel movement.
- When I wave my arms, the fat jiggles around so much that it looks like I have wings.
I sometimes volunteer at a convalescent care center. I'm friendly with a woman who is extremely large and is physically disabled because of her weight. She has breathing problems, diabetes, edema (swelling) of her legs, she's going blind due her uncontrolled diabetes, and has problems walking and uses a wheelchair. I love this woman for her wonderful personality and the friendship she's given me. I also fear her. She is what I might become if I don't do something about my own weight. She's only 65 years old, but has to live in a convalescent care center because she's too disabled to care for herself because she is so obese.
I could be her in another 20 years.
If I don't do something about my weight now, I'm going to end up looking like Jabba the Hutt, confined to my bed, dependent on others for the basic necessities.
No way.
The Glass Is Half Empty
I have to admit that my attitude at the moment about my my diet really could use some improvement. It reminds me of one of my elementary school report cards where I got an N (meaning needs improvement) on my attitude towards school.
Duh. I had a crappy attitude because I hated school (I was bullied mercilessly, and the school did nothing) and I wanted nothing more than to be doing something else.
I feel the same way about this diet.
I know that I should be approaching this project with a positive and empowering attitude. A good attitude plays a big role in success, but at the moment it's just hard to see this with much of a positive light. I'm grumpy, I'm tired, and I'm hungry. Yes, I'm seeing progress at the scale, but it seems to be so little progress considering how uncomfortable I feel.
I know, just keep sticking to it, and it will get better.
I don't like dieting, I don't like exercising, and I don't like drinking water to the point of having to pee every ten minutes. I'm doing this not because I want to, but because I realize that I have to. My fat is getting in my way, and therefore I need to do something about it.
There are a lot of things in life that people have to do, whether or not they want to do them. At the moment, my diet feels very much like yet another mandatory activity. Nobody likes paying their taxes, but they do it because there are negative consequences for failing to do so. Many people don't enjoy going to work every day, but they do it anyway, because they have to make a living.
Even though it's not fun, this is something that has to be done. I can no longer sit around and make excuses about why I'm so fat. I can't continue to pretend that not being able to see my feet when I stand up straight isn't a problem. I can't pretend I'm just overweight. I'm obese, and it's time to get serious, quit making excuses, and do what I'm supposed to be doing, irregardless of whether or not I like it.
Yeah, the glass is definitely half empty with regards to this diet. Too bad. I'm not going to lose weight feeling sorry for myself, or dreaming about it. The only way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more on an ongoing basis.
Quit whining, Oinkstop. It's not very flattering, and even more boring to read.
Duh. I had a crappy attitude because I hated school (I was bullied mercilessly, and the school did nothing) and I wanted nothing more than to be doing something else.
I feel the same way about this diet.
I know that I should be approaching this project with a positive and empowering attitude. A good attitude plays a big role in success, but at the moment it's just hard to see this with much of a positive light. I'm grumpy, I'm tired, and I'm hungry. Yes, I'm seeing progress at the scale, but it seems to be so little progress considering how uncomfortable I feel.
I know, just keep sticking to it, and it will get better.
I don't like dieting, I don't like exercising, and I don't like drinking water to the point of having to pee every ten minutes. I'm doing this not because I want to, but because I realize that I have to. My fat is getting in my way, and therefore I need to do something about it.
There are a lot of things in life that people have to do, whether or not they want to do them. At the moment, my diet feels very much like yet another mandatory activity. Nobody likes paying their taxes, but they do it because there are negative consequences for failing to do so. Many people don't enjoy going to work every day, but they do it anyway, because they have to make a living.
Even though it's not fun, this is something that has to be done. I can no longer sit around and make excuses about why I'm so fat. I can't continue to pretend that not being able to see my feet when I stand up straight isn't a problem. I can't pretend I'm just overweight. I'm obese, and it's time to get serious, quit making excuses, and do what I'm supposed to be doing, irregardless of whether or not I like it.
Yeah, the glass is definitely half empty with regards to this diet. Too bad. I'm not going to lose weight feeling sorry for myself, or dreaming about it. The only way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more on an ongoing basis.
Quit whining, Oinkstop. It's not very flattering, and even more boring to read.
May Day Weight Loss Challenge
It seems a number of bloggers are getting together to form the May Day Weight Loss Challenge, designed to motivate people to lose weight.
Okay, I'm in. As of today I weigh 249.8 lbs.
Although I talked about some of my goals and motivations in my first and second posts, I'll reiterate for the sake of the challenge:
Okay, I'm in. As of today I weigh 249.8 lbs.
Although I talked about some of my goals and motivations in my first and second posts, I'll reiterate for the sake of the challenge:
- How much weight I want to lose - It depends on "who" (meaning which computer program or weight estimator) you ask. At the moment, my goal is to lose 127 pounds. Another calculator thinks I should lose another 25 for a total of 152 pounds.
- My weight history - During my teens, I was fine, but my mother told me I was fat, during my 20's I lost and gained, but wasn't any worse than chubby, during my 30's I started to get fat, and by my 40's I was obese. My lowest weight was probably around 110 (in college) and my highest is anybody's guess. I stopped weighing myself at one point. My weight starting this particular diet was 257, but it could have spiked higher than that at some point.
- What other goals I have have for this challenge - Eat healthier overall.
- My weaknesses - I hate dieting.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Hungry, Hungry, Hungry
I am so tired of being hungry.
I'm a tired of eating a meal, and walking away from the table while my stomach is still growling. What I find even more annoying is that when I eat a large quantity of bulky, but low-calorie items like vegetables and certain fruits, my stomach feels full, but it still hurts and I feel dizzy and shaky like I am still hungry.
How is it possible to be full and hungry at the same time?
When I'm really hungry, my muscles ache, or I feel lightheaded and shaky.
I just ate lunch 20 minutes ago, and I feel lightheaded. My stomach is full, and I couldn't eat anything more if I wanted to, but it is still growling like it was before lunch. I feel hungry.
I wish I could go take a nap. Instead, I need to get back to work. Lunch break is over.
I am so tired of dieting.
I'm a tired of eating a meal, and walking away from the table while my stomach is still growling. What I find even more annoying is that when I eat a large quantity of bulky, but low-calorie items like vegetables and certain fruits, my stomach feels full, but it still hurts and I feel dizzy and shaky like I am still hungry.
How is it possible to be full and hungry at the same time?
When I'm really hungry, my muscles ache, or I feel lightheaded and shaky.
I just ate lunch 20 minutes ago, and I feel lightheaded. My stomach is full, and I couldn't eat anything more if I wanted to, but it is still growling like it was before lunch. I feel hungry.
I wish I could go take a nap. Instead, I need to get back to work. Lunch break is over.
I am so tired of dieting.
Watch TV, Get Sick To Your Stomach
I'm always trying to look for ways to motivate myself to stick to my diet, and it seems I've found one really motivating television program. We recently started watching Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic, a reality TV series on The Learning Channel. It's a series about what goes on inside of a New York hospital that specializes in the treatment of the morbidly obese. Some of the patients weigh over 700 lbs, and looking at them is very sobering.
Most of the patients are so fat, that it looks like their stomachs have turned into butts on the front of their bodies. One woman was so large she had fat pockets on her legs that make it look like she had a second butt on her knees. Our 11-year-old daughter, who was watching with us exclaimed, "Oh gross, she has a stomach butt on her knees!"
I'm fat. I know I'm fat. But at least I'm not that fat. I'm scared to death that if I don't do something, I will end up that way.
After I watch an episode of that show, I feel like throwing up. After watching an episode, I don't care how hungry I am.
There, but for the grace of G-d, go I.
Most of the patients are so fat, that it looks like their stomachs have turned into butts on the front of their bodies. One woman was so large she had fat pockets on her legs that make it look like she had a second butt on her knees. Our 11-year-old daughter, who was watching with us exclaimed, "Oh gross, she has a stomach butt on her knees!"
I'm fat. I know I'm fat. But at least I'm not that fat. I'm scared to death that if I don't do something, I will end up that way.
After I watch an episode of that show, I feel like throwing up. After watching an episode, I don't care how hungry I am.
There, but for the grace of G-d, go I.
Eat Your Elephant
I suspect that motivation is a real tough issue for most people who have a lot of weight to lose. As of right now, my goal weight is 130, which means if I ever arrive at my goal weight, I will have lost 127 pounds.
That's a lot of weight.
Not only is it a lot of weight, it also represents a huge investment of time. If I'm able to sustain a weight loss of 2 lbs per week, it means I will be dieting for a total of 64 weeks. A year and three months will be spent just getting to my goal weight. It seems impossibly far off.
It's pretty discouraging to think about in those terms. A year and three months is a long time, and knowing the way I lose weight, I'll probably be at it a lot longer. It's not that I can't stick to a diet, it's just that eventually my weight loss will level off and I won't lose anything for weeks or even months at a time.
I know I should be looking at this as an investment for my health and not as a diet. I'm already tired of rabbit food and being hungry most of the time. I'm tired of going to bed hungry and waking up hungry. I'm tired of counting calories, and saying, "No thanks" when I'm really starved.
Last night, I went over to visit my folks. They ordered out pizza. I had one slice, plus some fruit and vegetables from a veggie tray. I was starving, and my stepmother asked if I wanted more. "Oh, no thanks," I lied. "We had a huge lunch and I'm still not very hungry."
I should be happy. I've been consistently losing weight every week since I've started, and this morning I was below the 250 lb mark for the first time. I should be celebrating my successes, but instead I feel overwhelmed, hungry and disappointed. I know weight loss can't happen overnight. I didn't get fat overnight, and I'm certainly not going to get skinny overnight, either.
I keep reminding myself eat your elephant one bite at a time, and don't start at the butt.
It's just hard.
That's a lot of weight.
Not only is it a lot of weight, it also represents a huge investment of time. If I'm able to sustain a weight loss of 2 lbs per week, it means I will be dieting for a total of 64 weeks. A year and three months will be spent just getting to my goal weight. It seems impossibly far off.
It's pretty discouraging to think about in those terms. A year and three months is a long time, and knowing the way I lose weight, I'll probably be at it a lot longer. It's not that I can't stick to a diet, it's just that eventually my weight loss will level off and I won't lose anything for weeks or even months at a time.
I know I should be looking at this as an investment for my health and not as a diet. I'm already tired of rabbit food and being hungry most of the time. I'm tired of going to bed hungry and waking up hungry. I'm tired of counting calories, and saying, "No thanks" when I'm really starved.
Last night, I went over to visit my folks. They ordered out pizza. I had one slice, plus some fruit and vegetables from a veggie tray. I was starving, and my stepmother asked if I wanted more. "Oh, no thanks," I lied. "We had a huge lunch and I'm still not very hungry."
I should be happy. I've been consistently losing weight every week since I've started, and this morning I was below the 250 lb mark for the first time. I should be celebrating my successes, but instead I feel overwhelmed, hungry and disappointed. I know weight loss can't happen overnight. I didn't get fat overnight, and I'm certainly not going to get skinny overnight, either.
I keep reminding myself eat your elephant one bite at a time, and don't start at the butt.
It's just hard.
Monday, May 7, 2007
If I Ever Get Sick, Don't Tell My Family
The word "family" is so emotionally loaded. It brings forth images of happy people together, sharing, caring and enjoying each other's company. It conjures up images of happy holidays, love, and time well-spent with people that you care about. We are cultured to believe that, when the entire world deserts you, your family will be there at your side.
Were that true in my case.
We've been wrapping up a tough week of visits with out-of-town family members. It's been hard, and I've been constantly reminded how I am the black sheep of the family, deserving of the past years of banishment. I've been reminded again and again of how I live a sinful life, and how the lack of relationship I have with family members is my own fault.
Everything is my fault.
If I ever get sick, if I ever find myself suffering from a terminal disease, please don't tell my family. I'd rather die alone in the hospital than have them at my bedside. Maybe someday I won't feel that way, but today, I wouldn't want them there.
Yes, I imagine that they love me, in their own way. However, that love isn't good enough to transcend what they see as my shortcomings and my faults as a human being. In their eyes, I could be a skinny millionaire, and they'd still find reasons to fault me. In their eyes, all they see is my past failures, not my current or future successes.
They don't see that my currently-successful business has made it past the important five-year mark. Instead, they just remember my first business failure that ended with me filing for bankruptcy. They don't see my currently-successful relationship of nine years. Instead, they see a series of failed relationships, including a marriage that ended in divorce after only three years.
In their eyes, I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough, and I never will be good enough.
They are wrong. I am good enough.
Were that true in my case.
We've been wrapping up a tough week of visits with out-of-town family members. It's been hard, and I've been constantly reminded how I am the black sheep of the family, deserving of the past years of banishment. I've been reminded again and again of how I live a sinful life, and how the lack of relationship I have with family members is my own fault.
Everything is my fault.
If I ever get sick, if I ever find myself suffering from a terminal disease, please don't tell my family. I'd rather die alone in the hospital than have them at my bedside. Maybe someday I won't feel that way, but today, I wouldn't want them there.
Yes, I imagine that they love me, in their own way. However, that love isn't good enough to transcend what they see as my shortcomings and my faults as a human being. In their eyes, I could be a skinny millionaire, and they'd still find reasons to fault me. In their eyes, all they see is my past failures, not my current or future successes.
They don't see that my currently-successful business has made it past the important five-year mark. Instead, they just remember my first business failure that ended with me filing for bankruptcy. They don't see my currently-successful relationship of nine years. Instead, they see a series of failed relationships, including a marriage that ended in divorce after only three years.
In their eyes, I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough, and I never will be good enough.
They are wrong. I am good enough.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Pot, Meet Kettle
In exactly 10 days, I have to go visit my doctor for my annual exam. I'm not looking forward to it, because every year she nags me about my weight. Every year, I tell her, "Pot, meet Kettle." She's extremely obese, and I get really tired of her hassling me about my weight when she's not exactly skinny herself.
I was hoping that by the time of my doctor's appointment, I could have lost a bit more weight. It would be nice to have a noticeable drop on the doctor's scale since last year. I doubt, though, that will happen, and the nag-fest will begin.
Oh well, at least it's only once a year.
I was hoping that by the time of my doctor's appointment, I could have lost a bit more weight. It would be nice to have a noticeable drop on the doctor's scale since last year. I doubt, though, that will happen, and the nag-fest will begin.
Oh well, at least it's only once a year.
Weekly Weigh-In #2
Despite a rather discouraging weight-gain mid week, my weekly totals aren't so bad:
Weight 251.8 lbs
Body Fat 49.6 %
Body H20 35.7 %
Bone Mass 8.1 lbs
Muscle Mass 48.9 lbs
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Discouraging
Yesterday, I thought would be a good day in terms of weight loss. Family members came over, and we spent the entire day planting a vegetable garden. We dug up the yard, I made what seemed like an infinite number of trips to local home improvement stores to buy bricks, compost, seeds, plants, etc. By the end of the day, I was tired. My feet hurt from walking what seemed like miles around the home improvement shops and my arms and back were sore from hauling bags of manure and shoveling.
I spent the entire day ravenous, almost to the point of wanting to cry, from all the physical exertion. Despite feeling hungry all day, I really made an effort to keep my portion sizes under control.
For breakfast, I had one serving of high-fiber cereal and a half cup of skim milk. For lunch, I had two servings of pasta salad and nothing else. For dinner, I had two trips through the salad bar (skipping altogether, or using tiny amounts of, high-fat foods like cheese and olives), and only half of an individual-sized personal pizza with cheese and mushrooms.
I went to bed hungry. Although I ate more than I have on any other day of my diet so far, I only consumed a total of 1,550 calories. Despite all the physical activity, I gained a pound and a half overnight.
Discouraging.
I spent the entire day ravenous, almost to the point of wanting to cry, from all the physical exertion. Despite feeling hungry all day, I really made an effort to keep my portion sizes under control.
For breakfast, I had one serving of high-fiber cereal and a half cup of skim milk. For lunch, I had two servings of pasta salad and nothing else. For dinner, I had two trips through the salad bar (skipping altogether, or using tiny amounts of, high-fat foods like cheese and olives), and only half of an individual-sized personal pizza with cheese and mushrooms.
I went to bed hungry. Although I ate more than I have on any other day of my diet so far, I only consumed a total of 1,550 calories. Despite all the physical activity, I gained a pound and a half overnight.
Discouraging.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Family Food Pressures
We had a meeting today with someone who was from England. She was talking about tea and crumpets (for U.S. readers, a crumpet is similar to an English muffin) dripping with butter, fish and chips, and a variety of greasy, not-good-for-you, but tasty foods.
After that conversation, my partner was craving fish and chips and wanted them for lunch.
"I'd rather not have so many calories for lunch," I told her.
According to calorie-count.com, one breaded and fried fish fillet contains 211 calories. A small serving (85 grams) of French fries contains 291 calories.
A barely minimum-sized lunch would mean at least two fish fillets and fries for a whopping 713 calories. Of course the damage for me is worse, since my daily allotment of calories is pretty low. At 1,200 calories a day, a fish and chips lunch would take a pretty big bite out of what I'm allowed to eat.
Sorry, partner, I don't want to go to bed hungry.
I ended up eating my leftovers from my Sunday dinner with family, while my partner and our kid ate sandwiches for lunch. Not surprisingly, the leftovers didn't taste nearly as good as they had at the restaurant. Reheated pasta doesn't usually fare too well, and the negative associations that went with the meal left a less-than-wonderful taste in my mouth. Next time, I'll just order the appetizer and skip the entree altogether.
Or maybe next time I should just plan on getting together with family when food isn't involved.
As I've said before, in their eyes I can never be too rich or too thin.
After that conversation, my partner was craving fish and chips and wanted them for lunch.
"I'd rather not have so many calories for lunch," I told her.
According to calorie-count.com, one breaded and fried fish fillet contains 211 calories. A small serving (85 grams) of French fries contains 291 calories.
A barely minimum-sized lunch would mean at least two fish fillets and fries for a whopping 713 calories. Of course the damage for me is worse, since my daily allotment of calories is pretty low. At 1,200 calories a day, a fish and chips lunch would take a pretty big bite out of what I'm allowed to eat.
Sorry, partner, I don't want to go to bed hungry.
I ended up eating my leftovers from my Sunday dinner with family, while my partner and our kid ate sandwiches for lunch. Not surprisingly, the leftovers didn't taste nearly as good as they had at the restaurant. Reheated pasta doesn't usually fare too well, and the negative associations that went with the meal left a less-than-wonderful taste in my mouth. Next time, I'll just order the appetizer and skip the entree altogether.
Or maybe next time I should just plan on getting together with family when food isn't involved.
As I've said before, in their eyes I can never be too rich or too thin.
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