Transsexuality = Narcissism?

In my post where I first mentioned The Ex's transsexuality, I spoke about Christine Benvenuto's book, Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On.  Although the circumstances of our separate marriages and divorces are quite different, I have to admit to feeling something of a kinship with Ms. Benvenuto.

In her book, she outlined how her ex changed after his announcement that he wanted to be a girl.  He started out as a caring, kind and wonderful man, and he became a selfish, narcissistic shell of the person he once was.

While I don't want to badmouth, as I think it generates a lot of unnecessary bad karma, I've seen a lot of changes in The Ex that aren't so complimentary.  I'm starting to wonder if there isn't a certain amount of narcissism inherent in transsexuality.

Since The Ex has decided to pursue Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), I've seen a total change in his/her personality.  Our every day interactions are difficult at best, and it seems as if speaking to me in a kind and respectful tone of voice is almost impossible.  There have been a number of times where even The Kid (who is not one to come to my defense) has asked, "Why are you being so mean to [Oinkstop]?"

I don't see why this is necessary.  The Ex is the one who wants to leave, so why be nasty about it?  The Ex is the one, after all, who signed a lease on an apartment that isn't vacant until late July.  If s/he was so desperate to leave, why not look for a place that's vacant now, and then move as soon as The Kid finishes school?

I don't get it.

I've noticed The Ex spending tons of money. Over the past few weeks, I've seen (or found evidence of) a new tattoo, a new bicycle, new clothing, and a new car stereo.  Every few days a new outfit seems to appear, and I'm simply puzzled by all the shopping.  The Ex has only received one paycheck (and it was only for about a week of work) so the timing of all these purchases seems ill-advised.  The Ex will also need to purchase furniture for the new apartment, so it looks like there will be even more spending.

Honestly, it's taking my breath away.

I'm left scratching my head at the moment because I don't know if this illogical behavior is caused by your typical divorce craziness, some innate mental illness, or just the side-effects of years of repressed transsexuality.  What I do know is that the person who is sleeping on my sofa is not the person I invited to live with me 14 years ago, or even the same person I married 5 years ago.

"People change," The Ex has said, repeatedly.

Do they?

While I agree that change is part of life, I don't know many people who have changed so utterly, so completely, that they become unrecognizable.  I don't know the person sleeping on my living room sofa.  He is a stranger to me.

Oddly enough, since his decision to surgically become a woman, I've seen less and less of his female side.  When we first got together, I really did believe that there was a female personality trapped inside of a male body.

Now, it's very hard to see more than an angry man wearing dresses that do not flatter his middle-aged paunch.