Walking Wounded

Between the effort expended during yesterday's digging in the garden, Sunday's swimming and Saturday's scary staircase, I feel like I've put my body through the wringer, and now I am paying for it. I am one of the walking wounded, and my entire body feels like a mass of sore muscles. Getting up out of my chair hurts so much I cry out in pain; even the bottom of my feet hurt.

I am sore. Really sore.

Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. No pain, no gain. (Or in this case, loss.)

I just wish it were a little easier, you know?

I wish I could just climb into some futuristic cryogenic device, close the lid, sleep for a year or two and wake up thin. Even though it really seems like I got fat overnight, I know it didn't happen that way. Years of bad habits piled up on top of each other until one day I sort of "woke up" and realized just how fat I was. I wish I could do the process in reverse: go on autopilot for a while and "wake up" and realize I'm thin. Wouldn't that be cool?

Yeah, well if wishes were horses, we'd all be driving brand new Corvettes.

Although I've been on my diet for a bit over five weeks now, I'm still coming to terms with just how fat morbidly obese I've become and how much work it's going to take to recover from the damage I've done to my body. My current estimate is that it will take me 57 weeks to reach my goal weight. That's nearly a year and two months away.

Time always has a way of going by so quickly, and I'm sure it won't seem like very long once I'm through it. But, from the beginning of the process, it just seems like such a huge amount of time. It's hard to process when I think about the fact that I'm going to spend the next 399 days counting calories, trying to exercise more, and going hungry. It seems overwhelming.

I know. One day at a time. Still, it's hard to think about.

I'm trying to focus on the shorter-term goals. I'm trying to focus on today making good food choices. I'm trying to focus on things like right now I'm going to pass on that brownie that's sitting on the buffet. I'm trying to focus on doing the right things in the moment.

So far it's working. If I get too far ahead of myself, and even try to think about my mini-goals (the first being I want to lose a total of 39 pounds so I'll just be obese instead of morbidly obese) I feel overwhelmed. From where I am now, I still have several months ahead of me before I'll be at my first goal, and it all seems so far away.

I keep reminding myself, as I try to soothe my aching muscles and hobble around the house today, that this won't be forever. Eventually, my new eating and exercise habits will become more of a habit and I won't have to dwell on them as much. Eventually, my progress will be marked in 10-pound increments, and later 50-pound increments. Someday I'll get there. I just have to keep that in my mind.