Dreading the Doctor

Right now, I'm not actually seeing a doctor, but instead a nurse practitioner, but I thought "Dreading the Doctor" was a much better title for today's post.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to call my NP to let her know how I am doing with respect my thyroid medications.

I am really starting to despise these weekly calls because every week the call goes the same way. I say I still feel tired, beg for an increase in dosage, explain why I think it's necessary, listen to the NP's concerns about why she thinks the dose shouldn't be increased, counter her concerns, get another script for a week's worth of medication and go to the pharmacy to pick it up.

I am tired of having these weekly conversations where I have to explain myself. My NP works for me, not the other way around. Instead of coming across like a helping professional, I'm starting to feel like my NP is a gatekeeper.

No, that's not right. She doesn't feel like a gatekeeper. She feels like my drug dealer. Every week, when I'm out of dope, I have to go crawling back to beg for more.

I hate this feeling. I hate it almost as bad as being completely exhausted and not being able to lose weight.

It's not the greatest feeling to know that I've being diagnosed with a chronic metabolic problem for which I will require medication for the rest of my life. It's even worse to have to deal with medical providers who make me feel like I have to beg for medication that I should just be able to go buy. The medical professionals should listen to me, because I have to live in my own body, not make me beg for something that I know I need.

But tomorrow, I'll suck it up and beg anyway.