Reducing Chaos

One of the things that I've noticed, as I grow older, is that life tends to be full of unnecessary chaos. Sometimes, one finds themselves in a set of circumstances that add to one's stress level, without there being a good reason.

As part of my most recent decision to lose weight, I've decided to stop doing things that are difficult or damaging to me, especially when they yield little or nothing in return.

This morning, I started the process by which a long-standing acquaintance will probably come to an end.

For years, I've known a woman who often causes a lot of distress in my life, mainly because she has a temper and can be very intense.  Years ago, we were casual friends.  Over a decade ago, through a combination of bad luck and poor decisions on her part, she became homeless.  She bought a decrepit motorhome with the last of her money, put her stuff in storage, and has lived in in ever since.

About five years ago, she asked me to serve as a mail forwarding service.  I agreed, despite having some reservations, because I thought it was the right thing to do.  I wanted to help her, but I wasn't able to do much to help her get back onto her feet.  I couldn't offer her housing (her personality is far too abrasive for me to survive long as her roommate), a job, or money to get her into an apartment.  I thought collecting her mail was the least I could do.

She's tried to improve her life.  She went back to school and eventually got her degree.  She's applied for public housing, tried to get numerous jobs, but hasn't managed to pull herself out of long-term homelessness.  It's been at least a couple of years since she graduated and still, nothing.

Collecting and forwarding her mail has become a thankless, and tiresome job.  My acquaintance has shouted at me numerous times over the phone because she's expected a piece of mail that didn't come on time.  Once she bawled me out over a something her automobile insurance sent her, and another time I got to listen to her shriek over a traffic ticket.  Most recently, she was upset because she received a check, which I forwarded on to her, that she never got.

Whenever she calls and I answer the phone, I'm guaranteed to at least an hour long rant that covers all the things that are going wrong in her life.

I am sorry.  I truly am.  However, I can't continue doing it.

I have a lot of other things going on that I need to worry about, besides getting yelled at over someone else's mail.  I have a demanding job. I'm helping The Boyfriend prepare for a lawsuit.  My mother has cancer.  I need to take things off my plate that cause me unnecessary stress (and cost me money) because there is only so much of me to spread around.

About three or four months ago, I gave her notice that I needed to stop collecting her mail.  She ignored me.  Finally, I gave her a hard deadline.  Instead of accepting my boundary, she asked if The Boyfriend or Guitar Buddy would be willing to do it.  They both said an emphatic no.  I don't blame them.  Her aggressive and abrasive personality has alienated everyone.

Today she's been haranguing me by text, asking for the phone numbers of other mutual friends and acquaintances.  One, who I asked for permission before giving out her number, was very clear.  She didn't want to invite that level of chaos back into her life.

I finally told my homeless acquaintance that it was time to shit or get off the pot.  Either move back to town or get a new address in the city where she's staying.

I've come to realize that an important part of losing weight is self-respect.  You have to respect yourself enough to care, and to enforce the self-discipline it requires.  In so doing, it's also important to draw boundaries around others who don't respect you as well.

I deserve not to have this level of chaos in my life.